women – Page 3 – Don't Gel Too Soon

Women Bloggers Are NOT Cute Little Girls: Tell the New York Times

What is it about women who blog that scares so many people – even other women —
even the New York Times? Once again this time, they’ve decided to offer an “analysis” or a “portrait” or an I don’t know what
about bloggers who are women and moms. And when they do, they write with
a condescending, bemused attitude that is what I remember from the early days
of the women’s movement, when men would joke about our desire to open our own
doors, earn our own livings, make our own decisions. It was kind of cute
to want to be able to get credit cards without a husband’s permission, to cover
a story without having to go up in the balcony, to keep our names when we got
married. Feminism was just so adorable.

Now, we’re free on so many levels, and one manifestation of that freedom is the
vibrant world we’ve created online. Sisterhoods that cross race and
politics and religion and age as we share ideas and pain, joy and pride, birth
and loss and every other story that is part of living a life. There have
been a couple of wonderful responses to this irritating TIMES piece (and it’s
not the first…) One of my own favorites, Mom-101,
whose admirers are legion, wrote

“…once you
get past the first half of the article, there’s actually some solid information
in there….But I wish [all] that had been to focus of an article about my
favorite blogging community that just made the front page of my favorite
section of my favorite Sunday paper. I wish it had opened with the yearning
of bloggers for the community to return to good writing, and the evidence that
in the end, that’s mostly what pays off….

Of course, there
are more. My friend Danielle Wiley, known to many of her friends as Foodmomiac but also an executive at Edelman PR, has also weighed in.

I invite you to read the full piece and form your own opinions, but sentences like “bringing
together participants for some real-time girly bonding” might very well stop
you in your tracks. As I write this, my husband (and fellow Edelman executive
Michael Wiley) is at SXSW. Would Mendelsohn classify that experience as macho
bonding? Or would she write that he is attending a conference for the purposes
of education and networking? Why do people, including Ms. Mendlesohn, continue
to refer to networking among women as girly bonding? I seriously doubt the
participants at Bloggy Boot Camp were wearing jammies and braiding each other’s
hair. However, from the tenor of the piece, it was pretty easy to jump to that
conclusion.

Here’s the bottom line: I’m old enough to be the mother of both of these women
and many of their peers yet they have welcomed me as a sister – a blogger and a
friend. They’ve honored the sappy posts I’ve written about my sons
and my marriage and they’ve shared ideas and advice in comments, in twitter and even in real life.

They and their compatriots are talented, compassionate,
ornery pioneers
who have built what I think of as the new quilting bee, the new Red Tent where they share the wisdom and mysteries that are women’s lives. And they do much more – just go check out the list in Liz’s post. Not for one moment are they
silly or unaware or careless or trivial. And to gain a few points with
silly headlines and denigrating phrases isn’t bad taste, it’s also bad
journalism. Go see for yourself.

On the Arrival of a First Child: Thirty-five Years Ago

Two years ago I wrote this piece to honor the pending birth of a friend’s child. It’s about the first days after the birth of a first child. Yesterday marked the 35th anniversary of that birth – so, one more time, here’s the memory – with gratitude and love.

What an emotional shock it has been to write this. I need to start with that; the feelings, years later, are still there.

What an emotional shock it has been to write this. I need to start with that; the feelings, years later, are still there. Since this baby shower is for one of my favorite bloggers, and
friends, I’m grateful to be part of it. Our task is to share those lovely early
moments with our brand new children. That’s why I’ve added this – which
may be the most perfect photo I own because it says just what we all know.
The connection of a mother and newborn is so complete that it’s almost
impossible – even with writers as remarkable as this community — to describe.
At least I can’t find words that say what I know this photo says.

This is actually my second son, very soon after he arrived.
He’s 28 now and more extraordinary than even I, proud mama, could have imagined
that cold November day in Roosevelt hospital in 1979. He and his brother
both started off with beautiful souls though. They are beautiful still.

When I think of those early days, it isn’t all the getting up at
night (although it could be) and it isn’t that I had so much trouble nursing
that I needed to supplement (although it could be) and it isn’t the absolutely
perfect terror that I might do them harm that accompanied the first days of
their lives (although it certainly, indubitably could be.)

Nope. Here’s what I remember, and what I wish for the two
of you and all you other moms and moms-in-waiting: it’s a cold winter
night, maybe after about a week as the new parent of son number 1. It’s
dark, but out the window you can see the boats going up and down the Hudson
River (even though our windows leak so there’s ice on our windows, on the
inside.) You hear a cry and struggle out of bed, grab a robe, go retrieve
this new little person from his crib, change him and move with him to the
bentwood rocking chair (of course there’s a rocking chair) facing the window.
And you hold him in your arms and you feed him. The dark envelops you,
the dim skyline across the river in New Jersey is the only light you have,
except for the tiny pinpoints of light on the tug boats and barges as they make
their way. And it’s silent. Not a sound. And, with this new
life in your arms, you rock gently back and forth. The gift of peace of
those nights in the rocker was so intense that as I write this, I can feel it.
If I let myself, I could cry.

I remember watching my mother with each infant – can still see
her face as she responded to them, thinking to myself then “Oh.
This must be the way she was with me. How beautiful. How
beautiful.”

And I remember this. My parents came to us very soon after
our first son was born, helped put the crib together, celebrated with us.
Late one night, as I stood with our baby in my arms, my dad walked into the
room. Looking at the two of us, in perfect peace, he said to me “NOW
do you understand?” Of course I did.

Jewish Women, Feminists, and Esther — Across the Centuries

How can there be a women's story that women are not allowed to tell? Today is Purim – the celebration of the rescue of the Jews from the Persian King Asueras' evil adviser Haman. In a classic (and highly fortunate) intermarriage, she became the favorite wife of the powerful king. Unaware that she's Jewish, he's chosen her from all the maidens of Shushan and fallen for her – hard. The story is intricate but it ends with a bad guy trying to get the King to kill all the Jews (sound familiar?) and the Jewish Queen Esther convincing the King that the bad guy is indeed bad, and thus saving the day.

It's an old story with both sexist and feminist implications but today it emerged with a new life – at least for me. Here's why: it's required that Jews hear the story of Esther, the Megiila Esther, read twice during the holiday. It's read with a melody – a "trope" that's quite lovely. Usually, in observant Judaism, men preside. Prayers and readings are the domain of the male voice. But women are "permitted" to read the Megilla for a gathering of women. It's a act of Jewish feminism. And that's what happened this morning.

I wish I could describe the emotion that arises as one hears the women's voices together, and the single voices, one by one, reading out the story. It's an act of faith, an act of love, really, but it's also an act of community – the community of women coming together to share the story of a feisty queen who overcame fear to save her people.

Of course you would be correct to suggest that the simplest solution would be to choose a branch of Judaism that has made its way past such rules and you'd be correct. But we've chosen, despite the difficulties, to live this life, partly because of the very community that produced this day. And it comes, as a friend reminded me last night, as a package. So there will be moments – many of them – of frustration and anger. Of a sense of deprivation and loss. And the, just when it seems terrible — something lovely happens. Something like today.

Meryl Streep and “It’s Complicated” – As If We Didn’t Know That

Itscomplicated_4_1024

My posts seem to run in bunches. After
two meditations on marriage in the past month, here I am again.

It’s all Meryl Streep’s fault. If you know what it feels like when your kids run off together when you thought you were all going to dinner, or to struggle to remain your own person in a long marriage — whether it ends or it doesn’t, or just to be married for a long time and build a family with a partner – you know this story.

We went with another couple also married 38 years. It’s hard to describe the shared recognition, the warmth we all felt at the familiar moments on the screen – the rare family dinners with our adult children, continuing to learn and grow – together or apart, watching the accomplishments and weddings and occasional rages of each kid, accepting the fact that we’ve entered that part of life where they’re on their own – and so are we. Children grow up and earn their own lives, careers begin to ebb, and those of us who are blessed spend those years with one another. Or, if we must, search for and find someone else to ease the way.

It was all there, gentle, funny, loving and true. Like looking in a mirror. Oh – and lest you wonder whether a movie about a 50-something (or maybe 60) couple recovering from a divorce – in the torrent of high-profile films and stars, it’s in the top five for the holidays. It may be complicated, but loving it isn’t complicated at all.

Ellen Goodman Doesn’t Write there Anymore

As long as I've worked in media, which is a long time, Ellen Goodman's been there too. Her Pulitzer-prize-winning column, originating in the Boston Globe, has been a beacon and a landmark and a treasure.

And now it's ending. No, nobody fired her, she still has a large audience and many adoring readers but she's decided to stop. Here's part of what she said in her valedictory meditation on covering women in America – and I recommend you go read the entire thing:

My generation — WOMEN — thought the movement would advance on two
legs. With one, we'd kick down the doors closed to us. With the other,
we'd walk through, changing society for men and women.

It turned
out that it was easier to kick down the doors than to change society.
It was easier to fit into traditional male life patterns than to change
those patterns. We've had more luck winning the equal right to 70-hour
weeks than we've had selling the equal value of care-giving. We have
yet to solve the problem raised at the outset: Who will take care of
the family?

As a young mother and reporter, it did not occur to
me that my daughter would face the same conflicts of work and family.
Or, on the other hand, that my son-in-law would fully share those
conflicts. I did not expect that over two-thirds of mothers would be in
the work force before we had enough child care or sick pay.

Yes – those things are true. My own sons expect (and one has) wives who keep their names and expect to remain in the workforce. And yes, they still face issues of child care and equal pay and glass ceilings. The sad thing is, they won't have the provocative, inspiring, funny and very gifted voice of Ellen Goodman to cheer them on. Maybe she'll write another book though; if she does, I'll send a copy to each of them.

Womanomics Hits Home – Punditmom’s Home, That Is

I had the privilege this morning of attending a book party at the home of the one and only Punditmom, whose talents are exceeded only by her very lovely self.

The event had real star power: BBC's Katty Kay and ABC's Claire Shipman, both solid, unpretentious, smart, thoughtful women – and moms – and, oh yeah, network news stars. Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably know that they've written a book called Womanomics, whose basic thesis is that it makes economic and corporate governance sense for the needs of women workers to be accommodated by their employers. In fact, if their book is right, and there is no reason to doubt it, there is a real revolution afoot.

For someone my age, it's thrilling to hear employment issues discussed with assumptions we could never have made. Asking for schedule adjustments, work/family life balance, was out of the question. We were just fighting for equal pay and a few weeks off when we had our babies. The argument these two women make, that businesses are learning that women in their workforce in great numbers, and at all levels, is of great value to their bottom line. They line up to hear the two speak; join conference calls by the dozens to be briefed and basically finally get the power and capacity of "more than half the talent, not just more than half the population." Interesting, accessible and funny, great believers in their mission, they were a pleasure to meet and listen to. I can't wait to read the book.

OH and I'll post about The Wedding soon.

Sonia Sotomayor: A Blogger Tour (of Sorts)

What do Sonia Sotomayor and Elle Woods have in common? Plenty, according to a wonderful post by the ever-original PunditMom. That's just one of many, of course. I'm offering here a kind of tour – mostly of women whose views are notable in one way or another.

At the ABA Journal, Debra Cassens Weiss offers – and debunks, the four most likely knocks on Judge Sotomayor.

We all love Culture Kitchen's Liza Sabater. This time she's outdone herself in several intriguing (and some fun) posts on the nomination. Meanwhile, Jill Tubman's post on "sexist attacks" appears both at New Agenda and Jack and Jill Politics. There's a video conversation at Laura Flanders among Firedoglake's Jane Hamsher, Lynn Paltrow, Executive Director of National Advocates for Pregnant Women, and Jose Perez who's a lawyer with Latino Justice.

Thinking about the judge's environmental record? There's a brief exploration by Karen Murphy at SuperEco. Want to review more newsy discussion? Professor Kim Pearson, at Professor Kim's News Notes, has a nice early review. Jezebel has a survey with a little more attitude, too.

Jen Nedau provides a review of the record and some thoughts beyond and Jill Filipovic a nice exploration of differences of opinion and the judge's underlying value.

Finally, at Tech President, Nancy Scola offers, as usual, an original perspective: just how has the White House put the nomination out, and with what ammo? It's pretty interesting.

This is just a sprinkling of what's out there; add your own in the comments and I'll include them too.

G-L-O-R-I-A! Happy Birthday Gloria Steinem

I have known Gloria Steinem for a very long time. March 25th was her birthday and she is an amazing seventy-five years old! I've admired her since my teens. There used to be a magazine called SHOW, kind of a cross between Vanity Fair and New York Magazine. In 1963, when I was a senior in high school, Gloria published a piece there called "I Was a Playboy Bunny." Describing her three weeks as an "undercover" Bunny, the piece launched her career. I remember saying something half derogatory about it — remember I was 17 — and my mother saying to me "You're just jealous." She was right. What a great job, what an elegant woman, offers from magazines, everything I was determined to have for myself – she'd done it. If she could get out of Toledo, I could get out of Pittsburgh. (I did.)

I've had my eye on her ever since and as she helped to lead all of us out of the wilderness I felt a special ownership since we both attended Smith College. In those years, as I became more involved in what would be called the Second Wave of Feminism, Gloria was a spearhead for most of it. In fact, I once told a colleague of hers, a well-respected writer herself, how much I admired her. Her response "The way you feel about me? That's how I feel about Gloria."

On the tenth anniversary of Ms. Magazine, which Gloria had helped to found, I produced a series for The Today Show . For one segment, a camera crew and I followed her on a day-long trip to Philadelphia to make a speech. That was when I realized that her role was larger, and more personal, than I had understood.

Here's what happened: We got on the Metroliner in Penn Station and a woman came up to us to tell Gloria how she had changed her life. We arrived in Philadelphia and, right in the station, another women did the same. So it was all through the day. At the evening event, she could barely make her way through the room as an endless stream of women approached to thank her, express admiration, just talk to her. Through all of it, woman after woman after woman, she was unfailingly courteous and engaged. Each was the only one she was talking to. None was made to feel out of place or inappropriate. I don't know about you, but that's tough for a public person to do; Gloria has done it for years. In other words, she wasn't leading Feminism, she was being Feminism.

It's been like that ever since. In the public eye or out, hugely famous or less famous, she's always been there to keep the focus where it belongs and carry us further toward equality, and it's always been about all of us, not her. It's been an honor to know her, even a little bit, and to see personally that she's not just a fine leader, she's a fine person. Happy Birthday Gloria (a little bit late). We're lucky to have you.

Women’s Health Care Takes the Stage on the Hill

It makes sense. On the heels of the announcement of a new committee (H/T Writes LIke She Talks and Punditmom) to oversee protection of women's rights, the Senate Foreign Relations Subcommittee on International Operations and
Organizations, Human Rights, Democracy, and Global Women's Issues, Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), U.S. Senator Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) have introduced the “Health Care for Women Resolution.” The resolution outlines a "new framework
for women’s health" and ensure that women’s needs are a key part of the
national health reform debate. At a newsconference today, where they announced the resolution, members of the Columbia
University Mailman School of Public Health released a report that makes it clear why such a resolution is necessary.

The report, “Women’s Health and Health Care Reform: The Key Role of
Comprehensive Reproductive Care,” explores the importance or reproductive health in women’s overall health
and urges that the promotion of reproductive
health be part of any national health plan. Thirty-eight of fifty deans of
schools of public health have endorsed the recommendations in
the report.

At a news conference announcing the resolutions, Rep. Schakowsky said:

"Any debate on national healthcare reform must address the healthcare
needs of women who are often the primary caregivers and decision makers
for their families," said Representative Schakowsky. "We know that
women face exceptional challenges and have a very personal stake in
fixing our broken health care system — they know we need to act now.
The current economic crisis is not an excuse for delay; it is a
persuasive argument for an immediate response.

With new leadership on the Hill and in the White House, let's hope these are the first of many positive developments.

Kim Gandy Would Be a Perfect Director of the Women’s Bureau

This is Kim Gandy, currently moving toward the end of her second term as President of the National Organization for Women – known to most as NOW. Throughout her tenure she has been a fierce, sensitive and sensible advocate for women's rights and the rights of women as workers, whether at WalMart or West Point. (see her bio here or at the bottom of this post*) The initiatives she's launched have raised visibility and prospects for issues ranging from equal rights to violence against women, and she's been a national political force for women and girls. As a modern leader and early adopter of the Web, she has been a frequent speaker at online conferences including BlogHer, and Fem 2.0 among others. She is also, warm, smart, funny and determined.

Now she is a prime candidate to become Director of the Women's Bureau in the Department of Labor, a job she was born, and trained, to do, and there is a vague but nasty smear campaign emerging from a new organization that has very little track record and claims what appears to be a non-partisanship. I don't want to give them any more traffic by linking to them. But believe me, Kim Gandy, (full disclosure: I have worked a bit with her on a broad women's initiative) is a spectacular leader, committed to the equality and well-being of all women. If she is chosen, she will use her vast experience – and her vast network – to serve the women of this country with determination and political savvy.

We need and deserve her as our advocate in the Women's Bureau, and any who question her commitment or capacity are, in my view, sadly mistaken. Please ignore any groups detracting from her and her dedication to the safety, equality and success of American women and
those around the world. And if you're so inclined, you might want to post about it yourself!

*Kim Gandy – President

Kim
Gandy is serving her second term as president of the National
Organization for Women, elected by the group's grassroots members in
2001 and again in 2005. She has served as a national officer of NOW
since 1987 and in state, local and regional leadership positions since
1973.

Gandy also is president of the NOW Foundation, chair of NOW's Political Action Committees, and serves as the principal spokesperson for all three entities. Gandy oversees NOW's multi-issue agenda,
which includes: advancing reproductive freedom, promoting diversity and
ending racism, stopping violence against women, winning LGBT rights,
ensuring economic justice, ending sex discrimination and achieving
equality for women.

Since 2001, Gandy has led NOW's campaigns on issues ranging from
Supreme Court nominations to the rights of mothers and caregivers, from
Social Security reform to ending the war in Iraq. Through grassroots
political action, Gandy helped increase the women's vote and change the
face of Congress in 2006 and is leading the organization's efforts
around the pivotal 2008 elections.

Gandy regularly appears in print, television, radio and Internet
media, and she appreciates the enormous impact the media have on
women's lives. Under her direction, NOW has continued a decades-long
commitment to media issues, such as expanding women's opportunities in
the broadcast industry, increasing news coverage of women's issues, and
improving the portrayal of women and girls in advertising and all media.

During Gandy's presidency, NOW celebrated its 40 year anniversary,
organized conferences on issues affecting women of color and women with
disabilities, campaigned against Wal-Mart as a Merchant of Shame, and
expanded efforts to win equal marriage rights and benefits for same-sex
couples. Through the creation of NOW's Campus Action Network
and the Young Feminist Task Force, Gandy has demonstrated a commitment
to reaching out to young women and encouraging their leadership in the
organization.

During her first presidential term, Gandy was one of the lead organizers of The March for Women's Lives
in 2004. Gandy was a key organizer of the 1989 and 1992 marches, and
her expertise in mass actions helped ensure that 1.2 million activists
made the 2004 march for women's reproductive freedom the largest and
most diverse grassroots mobilization in our nation's history.

In the legislative arena, Gandy served on the drafting committees for two groundbreaking federal laws: the Civil Rights Act of 1991, which gave women the right to a jury trial and monetary damages in cases of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, and the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances (FACE) Act,
which has dramatically decreased the daily violence at abortion
clinics. In addition, Gandy led the fight against anti-abortion
terrorists through the landmark racketeering case NOW v. Scheidler, which was in litigation for two decades and reached the Supreme Court three times.

In 1991 Gandy directed the WomenElect 2000 Project, a nine-month
grassroots organizing and recruiting effort in Louisiana which tripled
the number of women in the legislature, elected the state's first woman
Lieutenant Governor, and helped to defeat former Klansman David Duke
for Governor.

A long-time activist, Gandy served three years as Louisiana NOW
President. She was elected to the NOW National Board in 1982 and held
the position of Mid-South Regional Director for four years before being
elected to national office.

Gandy graduated from Louisiana Tech University in 1973 with a B.S.
in mathematics. Her NOW involvement inspired her to attend law school,
and she received her law degree in 1978 from Loyola University School
of Law, where she was a member of the Loyola Law Review and the
National Moot Court Team. Gandy went on to serve as a Senior Assistant
District Attorney in New Orleans, and later opened a private trial
practice, litigating countless cases seeking fair treatment for women.

Currently, she resides in Silver Spring, Md., with her husband Dr.
Christopher "Kip" Lornell, an ethnomusicologist and part-time Professor
of Music at George Washington University. They have two daughters,
Elizabeth Cady Lornell and Katherine Eleanor Gandy.