Dirty Dancing and Planned Parenthood: a Perfect History Lesson

dirty dancing
This showed up in my Facebook feed Thursday night and blew me away.  It may have been funny to many, but it left me breathless.

I don’t know if it’s possible for younger people today to know how terrible that time before Roe was for so many young women like Penny, who faced the terror and hopelessness of an unwanted pregnancy, or what a real miracle it was that she was rescued.

Dirty Dancing is set in the summer of 1963, just before Francis “Baby” Houseman is about to leave for Mt Holyoke.  I left only a year later, for Smith.  So she and I are cousins, if not sisters.  Each wanting to change the world, each with a wonderful, trusting father, each falling for a bad boy with such a different history from our own … and each inexperienced in realities such as those faced by a pregnant dancer with no money whose illegal abortion goes terribly wrong.

She nearly dies — saved only by the skill of Francis’ doctor father.  The film is a fairy tale – in the love story for sure, but also in the story of the damsel in distress rescued by a fatherly wizard who brings her back from the brink.  Most women in those pre-Roe days – and many again now, in states where abortion rights are savaged every day — faced real back alleys and unskilled procedures on kitchen tables with no wizard, or anyone else, to save them.  Penny’s story was as real as they come, and it’s no joke to remind us that her fairy tale is in real danger of once again becoming the dark horror story it used to be.

So yes – it’s always fun when cultural references inform reality.  But it’s hard to enjoy even this clever comparison when the lives of so many Pennys and her sisters are in such terrible jeopardy.

Bristol Palin, Sarah, Paula Jones and a Question of What’s Right

Bristol_2
I’ve started three new posts today trying to avoid writing about Bristol Palin.  I don’t think I can.   But I’m going to borrow someone else’s words, someone who has said it so much better than I could.  The link in this piece came from the always wise Jill Miller Zimon, whose blog Writes Like She Talks is sharp and smart.  She’s among those posting really thoughtful ideas about this very sad situation. 

I’m as concerned as many of my peers about the choice issue and the complicated role it plays here; just as troubled by much of this candidacy and the tragic exposure of a very young woman to a national furor.  My biggest problem though, is with what I see as the (noisy but far from majority) inappropriate writing and speculating about this family.  In my mind, these attacks run a real risk of ending up as a "brie v beer" class war, and we’re not like that.  We shouldn’t sound like we are.  It’s the same feeling I had during the Paula Jones debacle when people wrote about her as "trailer park trash."  Whatever the substance of either Jones or Palin, or this pregnant young woman, what’s been going on: trashing Sarah Palin for going back to work after her child was born, implying that if she’d been a better mother this pregnancy might never have happened… interpreting her values as "redneck" — is dangerous.  I’m old enough to remember when conservatives talked like that – fought against all our efforts for equal pay, for non-mommy track hiring, for not only abortion rights but also contraception — all of it. 

As I said though, Richard C. Harwood has written what I think is a very thoughtful piece about this potential battle – an unwinnable one, I fear.  Here are two of the best quotes but you really should read the whole thing.

Moreover, I have said that I
know two families with specials needs kids where both parents work, and where
there is so much love and affection that I would be more than willing to have
my own two kids join those families. Further, I have wondered aloud why
stay-at-home dads who were once professionals are okay, but not Palin’s
husband. . . .

Let me be clear: I am not defending
Sarah Palin.  To me, there is some virtue in her selection, but also the
rolling of dice. But how we talk this choice is just as important as our final
judgment. Why? Because so many of us want a different kind of politics in
America, a politics that is more reflective of reality, more thoughtful, and
more hopeful. We want a politics that transcends Red States and Blue States. We
want a politics that encourages honest and tough debate, but not unnecessary
discord and divisiveness. Now is our chance.

In 1984, I worked for Walter Mondale
when he nominated Rep. Geraldine Ferraro as his choice for Vice President. Of
course, the initial burst of excitement for Ferraro dissipated quickly as she
found herself mired in family problems, with Mondale losing in a landslide.
While Palin’s selection and her running mate may take a similar route, the race
is still far from over. But no matter what, my question is, what route will you
take?

There is so much we all want to say.  How we say it, though, could make all the difference.

HER BAD MOTHER AND THE STORY OF THE LOST BOY

Bh_cool_moms_1
Read this.  Right now.  The stunningly gifted Catherine Connor (that’s her photo)  also known as Her Bad Mother, has shared a remarkable, heart-breaking story.  Although, sadly, it’s not uncommon, it’s one you will NOT want to miss.  So get out of here — go read this post.

UNKINDEST CUT

Indians2_2 I’m having a very hard time.  For a project, I’ve spent most of Wednesday reading infertility, IVF, adoption and other blogs written by would-be parents who are unable to conceive.  This 25-year old photo is of two boys, my sons, conceived in no time.  Granted there was a miscarriage in between that hit us very hard, but the blessing of these two little boys came rapidly and without incident.

I’m familiar with this issue – I have so many friends with adopted kids — but the articulateness of these women and the agony of repeated technical failures they describe, is unthinkable.  It’s so ironic – years spent in your twenties worrying that you ARE pregnant, then this.

I can’t imagine many experiences more painful — though they existed even in biblical times (remember the pain of Sarah, Hannah and Rachel?) and they’re for a lifetime.  "Do you have kids?" is the classic ice-breaker.  It just reminds me one more time of the blessings in my life.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate my kids every day; as my sons will tell you I’m a bit over the top where they are concerned.  And I’m tiresome on that fact that they’re a blessing and a joy.

What I don’t often consider is the fact that we had them so easily – that they are, quite literally, a gift.  My heart breaks for my sisters not blessed with this privilege – and I won’t soon forget their pain.