Tag: working moms

Oh Gwyneth! Mom to Mom to Mom

paltrowdanner-gal-motherGwyneth Paltrow has serious mom shoes to fill.  Her own mother, Blythe Danner (you’ve probably seen her in those osteoporosis ads, or as almost everybody’s TV/movie mom…) is a spectacular actress who took a long professional hiatus to stay home with her kids as they grew up.  If you had seen her show up at that MASH unit in Korea as Hawkeye Pierce’s great lost love, or as Alma in Eccentricities of a Nightingale you’d know just how much she gave up and we all lost.  Her daughter has often acknowledged how aware she was of that decision.

I think one reason it’s tough to watch all the hating on Gwyneth, especially by other women, is that her mother is so extraordinary. I interviewed her once for a story on the Girl Scouts, of all things, and she was fierce.  About acting, about her leave from acting, about not raising her kids in Hollywood, about almost everything.

As I’ve watched her daughter all these years, with weird baby names and regimens and what seem like odd decisions, I’ve watched her the way a mother might.  Understanding and probably respecting the quest, the efforts to build an original life and, of course, the professional success, and worrying about The Interview  and other events that made her sound more shallow than she probably is.  Springing to her defense, as Danner did, seems reasonable.  The downpour of venom does not.

I know I’m challenging a lot of women I deeply respect but it just seems so —  unnecessary.  The women of America face a true political emergency, and if the right takes over Congress this fall we are in real danger.   Let’s hate more on the people responsible for that and leave this poor, complicated woman to fix what she can and recover from the rest.

THOREAU, JOHN HARVARD AND WHO I WAS (OR…WHO WAS I?)

Walden_gorgeousYou have to love New England in the fall.  This is Walden Pond, retreat of Henry David Thoreau, where I spent Friday morning.  Morra Aarons of BlogHer and Women and Work and Joan Blades of Moms Rising let me tag along on their wanderings, including a walk all the way around the pond.  It was a remarkably appropriate location, since Thoreau, pretty much a rebel in addition to his fame as a thinker, is an inspiration to so many. So are these two.  I kept thinking about him as I listened to Morra and Joan talking about the future of women – and policy – and motherhood. 

Joan has done something remarkable: she’s launched Mom’s Rising to obliterate policy inequities toward mothers. Much of what Moms Rising seeks is built upon an acknowledgment of the special requirements that working moms face: the freedom to stay home with a sick child, to have equal access to jobs whether parents or not, and to live integrated lives.  According to Joan – in the past decade or so we Americans have added 500 hours a year to our working days.  That makes it harder than ever to integrate being a decent mothers and with the responsibility to support our families.

My generation was often either skeptical about motherhood or terrified to advocate for these issues because they could give men reasons to deny us equality in work, salary, promotions and benefits.  Now, through the vision of Moms Rising, these issues are moving toward unabashed prominence — no apologies necessary.  It’s difficult to describe the gratitude I feel — both for what they’re doing and for the fact that they can.  When my kids were little, asking for time off to care for a sick kid was scary; what would they say not only in the front offices but also around the water cooler?  We had to be so circumspect.  Today’s advocates are brave and skillful as they work to move policy forward; it’s a good feeling to know that the battles we fought then have advanced the argument and legitimized advocacy by moms for moms.

H_sq1It was a day for thinking, I guess.  I met Morra at the Harvard Square subway station.  As I stood waiting for her there, I felt such a rush of nostalgia and — almost — sadness.  Cambridge to a young student is a place full of promise — a chance to become excellent in a community of excellence.  I used to come in from my own college in western Massachusetts and just revel in it all.  Today I hit an ambush moment – I saw that young woman (me) running around in big scarves and wild hats and colored tights and antiwar buttons — making trouble and having a blast.  I’m grateful for that.  But I also know now that for everything we achieve – we miss something else.  Part of growing up is coming to terms with what we’ve accomplished — and what we haven’t.  And emerging from a subway station to a youthful landmark seldom visited can bring it all back at once.

That’s another reason for my gratitude about Moms Rising — another generation of activism pushing the boundaries my friends and I pushed out so far ourselves.    

So thanks and hats off – to my sisters who came before, to Morra and to Joan for a wonderful morning, to Joan for launching this very inspiring crusade and to all the mothers who’ve joined the fight.