women – Page 7 – Don't Gel Too Soon

A Woman of Valor

Lisa Goldberg, 54 years old, died this week of a brain aneurysm. When I heard, all I could think was “what a waste.” While it’s always sad when someone dies, especially to those who loved them, Lisa, quietly (there are so few photos of her available online that I had to use this candid) and with great dignity, contributed so much. President of the Charles H. Revson Foundation, she was responsible for funding many impressive programs. Some dealt with Jewish issues, some with urban social change, and, as in the one through which I met her, some dealt with issues relating to women.

Two years ago, she had the foresight to issue a planning grant to support the launch of the Women’s Media Center, a project for women in journalism whose founders include Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, Eve Ensler and Marlene Sanders among other great pioneers. In the time since, the Center has made great strides and become a force not only for women journalists but in the coverage of issues that matter to or involve women.

I didn’t know Lisa well – more admired her from afar. Her role at Revson was remarkable, and her leadership made difference in a great many lives. She was Best Woman at the wedding of a friend of mine — which I always thought was pretty cool. Beyond a few conversations about the Center or books we loved, we didn’t have that much contact.

One incident though, to me, is typical of her. I was “staffing” the early days of the Women’s Media Center and we were meeting at the Manhattan headquarters of the Revson Foundation. Some material had not been printed, there was a blizzard, and I barely had time to get to the offices much less to Kinko’s. Lisa’s staff helped me get everything printed, collated and bound without breaking a sweat – OR acting like they were doing me a favor (which they were…..) I sent Lisa a note letting her know how great they had been. Her response was typical of my perception of her. She thanked me for letting her know, told me she had forwarded my note to the young women who had helped me and added how high her own regard was for each of them. Again – quiet, unassuming and on the mark.

Of course there’s one other thing. When someone dies suddenly, there’s always a moment of terror. In this case, just as I always measure the deaths of older people by whether they were older or younger than my father was when he died, I was shocked to realize that Lisa was younger than I. It’s a credit to her, though, that this thought was fleeting and quickly banished. The loss of such a “woman of valor” is tough enough on its own.

ME AND MRS. MUIR

When I was one year old, Joseph L. Mankiewicz directed Gene Tierney and Rex Harrison (and a very young Natalie Wood) starred in a movie about a spirited widow who falls in love with the ghost of a sea captain. Set in the captain’s seaside cottage high on a bluff, it was wonderful – romantic but in a very modern way. His efforts to “haunt” her until she fled failed because she just didn’t scare easily — which made her very attractive to him (of course it didn’t hurt that she was Gene Tierney beautiful) and his gritty honesty and love of life enchanted her.
I can’t remember the first time I saw The Ghost and Mrs. Muir – it’s so much a part of me – and of memories of sitting up in the middle of the night, on the old sofabed in the room where the TV was, watching it with my sisters and a plate of pretzels and mustard — that it seems as much a part of me as they are. This morning at about 6, I woke up and found it just beginning on HBO.
What a joy for a Sunday morning! Fifty-nine years after this film was made, it’s more timely than many of the most modern of today; the woman so determined to be independent, the man who loves her loving her for that very quality. Of course there’s the rest – the almost disatrous marriage, the help the Captain gives her when she runs out of money – but basically they were two remarkable people on different sides of the veil – yet with more in common and more of a respect for one another than many film couples who are both alive.
So find it on HBO before the month is out or get ahold of it some other way. It’s a wonderful journey to a time and sense of place that valued love and respect between men and women (alive OR dead) and a perfect film to watch with someone you love – lover, husband, son or daughter. You’ll both be happy by the end of it — if a little weepy – and you’ll have so very much to talk about!

DEEP IN A DREAM: THE RED TENT

While I was in Jerusalem I went several times to Pardes Institute, a remarkable school to study the Bible, Talmud and commentaries. My husband and I love to study while we’re visiting places; it all seems so much more real – and sinks in more, too. We were there during the week that the story of the rape of Dinah is read on Shabbat. It’s pretty profound and provocative and a wonderful teacher named Rabbi Reuven Grodner taught the class. We were transfixed: the story of the vengeful brothers and their far from vengeful father Jacob is troubling to anyone – but particularly to women.

I remembered that The Red Tent was written in Dinah’s voice, so I decided to read it. I had tried once before but it seemed too overwrought and almost overwritten then. Now though, I find myself more interested in the stories in the Torah — the universality of Bible stories and all they represent — so I stuck it in my suitcase — and once we’d studied the Genesis story of Dinah I pulled it out.

It’s really quite an experience — almost a fever, like The Virgin Suicides. The sisterhood and love among women, the pain of childbirth, the rivalry and particularly the remarkable power author Anita Diamant provides to each of the main characters — is thrilling.

There’s a kind of Biblical interpretation called a Midrash and those that I, as a beginner, have read, are all pretty male-oriented. This book is one big women’s perspective/Midrash full of love, passion, pain, loss, love, birth, death, misery, joy and poetry. Much of it does NOT appear in the Bible but that’s true of the old Midrashim as well. I can’t stop thinking about the women of this book, their lives and stories. I came to love them and their stories — so very very different from the ones the conventional Bible stories tell.

ALL POWER (or at least MORE power) TO THE BLOGGERS!

Yesterday I went to a briefing on political blogging held by the Institute for Politics, Democracy and the Internet and mega-PR agency Edelman Associates. It was pretty interesting. Among the findings: (Read to the bottom – you’ll be glad you did)

27% of the US population reads a blog in any given week (@60,193,913 folks – larger than the adult pops of CA, NY, TX combined)34%+ American influentials (people who influence others – logical, right?) read a blog at least once/week
28% of American adults that have read a blog have taken action on based on in- formation they received on that blog.

The US age breakdown is kind of interesting too.

18-24s are largest blog users, as you’d imagine. They report reading a blog an average of 1.6 days/week.
The next highest isn’t 25-34 (many of whom fell into a kind of "gap" in school computing access and average 0.8 pages/week) but 35-44s who average around 1.05 days/week.
Then there’s another surprise – the next age cadre, 45-54 is lowest so far at around 0.7 days/week
Those early Boomers 55-64 are higher, matching the 25-34s at 0.8.
65+ averages only around 0.5.

And gender – are we traveling the blogosphere less intensely than the guys? Well the only stats the report had were for political blogs and their researcher says the numbers were pretty much in the margin of error:

Blog readers who read political blogs: 24% female – 30% male
Take action from political blog info: 26% female – 30% male]]

A second study, released in October 2006 by IPDI and @dvocacy Inc. showed:

Daily political blog readers were 75% male and 25% female
Daily “all others” blog readers were 60% male and 40% female

OK NOW here’s why you read to the bottom: women don’t do their politics exclusively on “political” blogs – not at all! Read Been There or Mom-101 or Lizawashere and see for yourself. As usual, we don’t fit into anyone’s categories – combining family, food, politics and love into the total life we all live. Good for us — we just have to make sure the pundits know this too – so they can find some of our brilliant sisters as they think, write and provoke us to do both better.

DID I HAVE A BRAIN TRANSPLANT?

So I’ve been reading around the blogs I love — Mom 101, Been There, Time Goes By and others and they’re full of election news and celebrating both the outcome and the Speakership of Nancy Pelosi. And I realize that I – former political producer of the TODAY SHOW and general political junkie – have barely mentioned the election here. What’s THAT about?

I DID mention the growing youth turnout – but that makes sense – I care so much about younger people – both how they see the world and how the world sees them — and about my old friend Jane Harman.

I just wasn’t as jazzed as everyone else about this victory. So very much that I believe in has been undone in these years and so much that I worked for is gone. I think the next two years will be about maintaining as much as remains of the progressive perspective and pushing through little advances since more than that will bring about a Bush veto and we have nowhere near the votes to beat that. SO. It was a start – but we have a long way to go and still haven’t come up with a perspective that’s a compelling alternative when there isn’t a war and a pedophile to help us over the hump. We need not to fight with each other – the NYT today talks about the pragmatic nature of current Dem victors compared to some of the ideological leanings of the establishment. It will be interesting to watch but call me crazy — I’m not ready to party yet.

CHARMED, I’M SURE

I work at home much of the time. Usually I watch C-SPAN. But I tripped over a show called CHARMED (more) that most of you probably already know and I find that I’m … well…charmed by it. In case you’re as clueless as I was, it’s a long-running Aaron Spelling (no surprise there) series about three sisters who learn that they’re witches — good witches of course — and not only good witches but the official CHARMED ONES. Apparently the power of sisters radically increases the power of witch-hood. Anyone with sisters could have told you that.

The longest running series with female leads, the show ran for 8 years and is now in multiple reruns on TNT, which is where I found them. They’re gorgeous, smart, sensible and dedicated to vanquishing evil and saving the world. Just like the rest of us, right? They love each other, they grow, learn, fall in love, have children, and fight demons with their powers — all at the same time.

I don’t know what it is. I have two sisters and we love each other and used to have sister power hugs every holiday when we were all together and now, with all of us over 50, still love each other and our sister power even through its occasional glitches and frayed moments. I love women — always have- and get what it is about us all that’s so wonderful. But none of that explains my affection for a television show about women younger than my sons and their do-gooding, loving, thrilling, gorgeous lives. I’m more of a West Wing/Six Feet Under/Sopranos kind of girl. Go figure.

I don’t think I’m going to try. Any time great, brave, committed, generous women are out saving the world – whether they’re Amy, Lauren and Maxine, Cagney and Lacey, CJ, Donna, Abbey and Amy, or Rose, Georgina, Lady Marjory and Mrs. Bridges, it’s a cause for celebration. So that’s what I’m doing. Celebrating the charm of the Charmed Ones and glad that they keep me company once in a while.

Burqas, Fareed Zakaria and Women’s Mags

So I meant to write about several OTHER things today but an exchange on a women’s media list in which I participate struck me. I love VOGUE. I used to say that I only read it in the beauty parlor but really I read it – period. I am now hoarding the NYT Sofia Coppola’s Paris fashion supplement to read this weekend. So I was fascinated by the fuss over Fareed Zakaria – whom my younger son totally admires and whose articulateness and cool perspectives also impress me- and his joke at a recent panel at the Council on Foreign Relations Here’s part of the Huffington Post post that started the conversation:

“Last week, Zakaria moderated a Council on Foreign Relations event featuring Afghan President Hamid Karzai, excerpts of which can be found here. Notably absent is an exchange that occurred during the question-and-answer period at the end, when Glamour journalist Shirley Velasquez stood to ask Karzai a question. After identifying herself as a Glamour reporter, Zakaria interrupted her, cracking: "Glamour? Blue burqa vs. black burqa?”

According to Velasquez, the audience erupted with laughter, and Karzai “laughed and said something about being grateful that finally an easy question was going to be asked.” He should have been so lucky: Velasquez came armed with a question about the deplorable treatment of women in Afghanistan, noting that the U.N. estimates that less than half of school-age girls are actually in school and a whopping 70% of married women in Afghanistan suffer from domestic abuse.

Asked Velasquez: “My question, Mr. President is why have these conditions persisted and how is your government improving the lives of women” Oh, ho ho, blue burqa vs. black burqa? According to Velasquez, Karzai seemed taken off guard by the question and responded: “Your first problem is the source you’re using. The UN doesn’t know what they’re saying,” and quoted stats were “absolutely wrong” At this point, says Velasquez, Zakaria actually stepped in and warned Karzai, saying, “Be careful Mr. President. Remember you¹re on the record.”. Way to facilitate the discourse, Fareed.

Karzai continued, maintaining that Afghanistan had “great respect” for its women, more than most other countries in the area. Wow, set that bar high.” You can read the whole post – and a transcript here.

I got kind of obsessed with the history of women’s magazines, which I knew to include publication of many serious and mature writers for much of the past century. Here’s what I said – and what I found in Wikipedia:.

In fact, the late lamented Mademoiselle – and other women’s mags, were outlets for great writers in the first half of the century – albeit often with male editors but editors who clearly thought women could appreciate good fiction and complicated ideas.

Most men today have no idea of the content and influence of these mags (and yes I know Betty Friedan used the change in focus in The Feminine Mystique but I still think we need to remember the proud tradition of these publications.) Even Vogue – the queen of the old fashion books – has always carried substantial content. Most readers enjoy both the fashion and the substance when it’s available. We just don’t feel the need to tell everyone “I only buy it for the interviews”

WIKIPEDIA:

MADEMOISELLE was an influential women’s Magazine published by Condé Nast Publications. Its historically notable contribution to literature was that it published short stories by noted authors such as Truman Capote, which other magazines did not.” Also, Sylvia Plath’s experiences during the summer of 1953 — as a guest editor at Mademoiselle in New York City and in deepening depression back home — provided the basis for The Bell Jar, her only Novel" One of the most influential artists of this century, Barbara Kruger Art director and image developer, creating works using Anchorage which was used in the magazine.

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL first published February 16,1883 as a women’s supplement to the Tribune and Farmer. The following year it became an Independent publication. It was published by the Curtis Publishing Company and edited by Louisa Knapp until she was replaced by Edward William Bok" in 1919. He published the work of social reformers such as Jane Addams.

MCCALL’S was a monthly women’s magazine that enjoyed great popularity through much of the 20th century, peaking at a readership of six million in 1960. It published much fiction, including such authors as Willa Cather, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gelett Burgess, Ray Bradbury, Jack Finney, Anne Tyler and Tim O’Brien.

So did Zakaria overstep? I wonder how anyone can laugh over the humiliation of the burqa. It’s almost physically painful to me to imagine. And if you read What do you think?

SO LONG GOVERNOR RICHARDS

When I worked at the TODAY SHOW as political producer I had a deal with both parties that they would call and give me a heads up when they named their keynote speakers. That way I could call and book them to be on the show the morning of their speech — and get them before the other shows. In 1988 I got a call on a Saturday morning to let me know that the Democrats had chosen Texas Governor Ann Richards. I was frantic. It was a weekend. How would I find her? How would I get her phone number? I called the NBC affiliate in Austin. They had no home number. I called the AP. Ditto. I called a couple of political friends – no luck. So then, on a lark (you can guess the end of this story I bet) I called information. Yup. She was listed in the phone book! I called, she answered, and we got her first. She was a riot on the phone, too. I asked her about listing her number and she seemed genuinely amused- why shouldn’t she list her number like everyone else? Governor Richards died yesterday, September 13, 2006 at 73.

Probably that speech was one of the high points of her career. Funny and a bit mischievous, it pushed class angles to differentiate between the parties, and it’s remembered far beyond Michael Dukakis, the candidate who eventually lost to the first President Bush. Bush himself often seemed awkward. Said Richards, “Poor George, he can’t help it — he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” She brought down the house.

But President Bush’s opponent, Michael Dukakis, lost resoundingly. Richards was elected governor in 1991 (12th of the only 28 women ever to serve at governors) and served one term – losing her bid for re-election, ironically – to the son of the man she had so mocked – George W. Bush. In her later years she worked for a lobbying firm that included several tobacco accounts, to the dismay of many of her fans.

But this self-made country girl, recovering alcoholic ( and biker – see this photo) led her state with imagination and humor, wrote a wonderful autobiography that made the Depression come alive and set a great example for the emerging crew of women politicians. Those who followed her gained much from her pioneering leadership – and we’ll miss her.

Military Americans and the Rest of Us

REPOSTED FROM VOX – 8/08:
The National Military Families Association is an old client of mine and today I’m meeting their former CEO for lunch. She and I had hoped to use her site and some of the “women’s” content sites to begin to bridge the chasm between military and non-military families. Who if not the women would be capable of that? I had just read Absolutely American: Four Years at West Point, a wonderful book about West Point and leadership so was particularly interested in removing the stereotypes and isolation suffered by the military in my formative, actively anti-war youth.

We were unable to interest most of the women’s sites into doing anything without payment though; it was quite sad. When I think of 9/11 and of the Iraq War – and remember how my parents used to talk about the “GIs” and their position in the world during World War II, it’s particularly unfortunate that we now have a “military class” that is separate from the rest of us in so many ways – and whose parents and children were also likely to be military — so much so that we’re worlds apart.

Today Oliver Stone told the Washington Post that he thought combat experience “softens you, if anything. It makes you more aware of human frailty and vulnerability. It doesn’t make you a coward, but it does teach you. ” Yet, as he noted in this interview, none of our current political leaders has any combat experience at all.

I know we need to end this division, but I have two sons and what seems sensible in the abstract is horrifying in the concrete. I have many friends whose kids have gone to live in Israel, for example, and they seem to accept the fact of their sons’ military obligation with equinimity but I don’t know if I could. And I”m not sure if it’s the scars of Vietnam and even more recent futile endeavors or rank selfishness on my part….

More later.