BLOGHER COMES OF AGE WITH ITS OWN INTERVIEW WITH BARACK OBAMA

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As you know, I am a very loyal supporter of BlogHer and a great admirer of its three founders, who have built a community of respect and honesty, humor and warmth that is a treasure to many of my sister bloggers and to me.  At last year’s BlogHer conference much was made of the absence of presidential candidates, even though they’d all been invited AND even though we were in Chicago, where Yearly Kos (now called Netroots Nation) was happening in literally one or two days, and all the Democrats came there.  It was if the "little ladies" were just not worth the trouble.

So it’s very exciting to see Barack Obama sit down with BlogHer’s Erin Kotecki Vest and answer questions submitted by the BlogHer community.  No headlines, but a broad survey of topics with sound, thoughtful and well-expressed responses.  This is a landmark moment and I’m so proud to be a BlogHer and a small part of its universe.  Watch it for yourself.

TOO MANY WOMEN DOCTORS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON’T YOU WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY?

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OK now I’m mad!  I have a pretty high tolerance for media assumptions and misrepresentations unfair to those of us who are female.  I do.  Really.  But I think I’ve hit the wall.  Listen to this, from Business Week this week (here’s a hint – the article is called "Are There Too Many
Women Doctors?" ) The premise – there’s a doctor shortage in the US and: 
This looming shortage is forcing into the open a controversy that has
been cautiously debated in hospitals and medical practices for some time: Are
women doctors part of the problem? It’s
not the abilities of female doctors that are in question. It’s that study after
study has found women doctors tend to work 20% to 25% fewer hours than their
male counterparts.

What to discuss first?  That those who work that additional 20-25% probably work too hard?  That resentments build
up in their spouses and children that never go away.  That the "problem" is in reality a grand improvement achieved through the work and suffering of a generation of women who fought their way through medical school, internships and fellowships and now use their knowledge both to take care of people and to still live a life of their own. Shocking!

Continue reading TOO MANY WOMEN DOCTORS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON’T YOU WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY?

BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK – WHAT DO WE THINK?

This is old now and all over the interweb PLUS all the feminist listservs that reach my mailbox.  What’s the verdict?  Funny?  Post-Feminist?  JUST funny?  Too true to BE funny? Too funny to be true?  Other?  Check one (or more…)

JERUSALEM, THE WALL, AND THE SEPARATION OF WOMEN AND MEN

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Early this morning, in a gray, chilly rain, around ten of us went to the Western Wall (the Kotel) to say morning prayers.  It’s always very moving (and sometimes upsetting) to go to the Kotel.  I’ve been there in summer and fall, alone, with our kids and with groups, to a bar mitzvah and a paratrooper regiment induction (all Israeli military take their oaths there), when I was first pregnant 30+ years ago, and  placed a prayer for our new child’s health into one of the cracks, and countless other times.  One thing remains true.  There’s the Kotel_erica
really big men’s side….   

and the really small and usually (though not today) ridiculously crowded women’s side.  Surprisingly, the separation, like that in the  synagogue, doesn’t bother me.  If I were a young mother whose sons and husband were sitting together while I sat alone, I might feel differently but for some reason I like being with my "sisters" on the women’s side, not worrying about the spiritual condition of anyone but myself.  It’s peaceful.

Of course, in all parts of observant Judaism there’s an undertone of the perplexing – why must women and men be apart for so many of life’s critical moments?  Some of the rules, however they are justified, are difficult and I’m struggling to be available to understand them.  The toughest right now, because we’ve just been learning it, are the Laws of Family Purity and the physical separation of husband and wife any time there is a presence, or recent presence, of menstrual blood.  It’s confusing enough dealing with periods, and the "clean" days after one’s period ends, which must pass before any kind of physical contact (not just sex) is permitted.  Of course rules like these are observed to different degrees by different couples.  Some make token acknowledgment of the requirements.  Some sleep in separate beds.  Some don’t sit on the same couch if there is only one cushion.  SOME won’t even pass a bottle of milk from one hand to the other but place the bottle on the table for the other to retrieve.  OK. That’s a choice – it all comes from brief mentions in the Torah, this is how it’s been interpreted and it’s so private that each couple finds its own way of living within the law.  Women also find their own ways of dealing with what could seem a real stigma.  One of my favorite teachers says it’s a time to "reclaim one’s body for oneself" and further, that the physical restrictions cause couples to deal more openly in verbal terms with many of life’s issues, because physical contact isn’t part of the equation.  I just listen and work to be open-minded – I have learned that much about this world into which I’ve moved becomes intelligible over time – and not to condemn that which I haven’t had a chance to absorb.

Even more confusing and the hardest of all, for me, are the rules of childbirth and miscarriage.  Because we bleed after childbirth, once we are free of birth pains and no longer in distress, in many families the husband does not touch his wife again after that initial support during birth, until the bleeding stops.  One rabbi’s rule:  "Help physically as much as you need to during labor – but the minute the baby is born – no more."  Others say that a post-partum woman is still "sick" so deserving of as much love and affection as she requires.  The same divisions exist after a miscarriage.  The bleeding preempts physical contact once the initial trauma is over.  This is tough stuff.  (There’s also lots to say about the Mikvah – a ritual bath married women visit before resuming sexual relations after periods or childbirth. I learned an enormous amount about that today from a generous young, newly-married friend who’s also on this trip.  But I think it’s another post altogether.  I acknowledge that here so you don’t think I’ve omitted it altogether.)

I have waited over a week since our class about this before I posted, in order to allow myself time to think about it.  I’ve brought myself to a position of tolerance and acceptance; those who believe that this is the way God wants us to live, or believe that these are God’s laws which cannot be broken no matter how we feel — these loving souls should "live and be well" within the life’s rules they’ve chosen.  I’m through with condemnations of everything I don’t agree with.  I used to think so many things —  things that this life has taught me were just ONE WAY of seeing the world.  I’m working on reaching that attitude toward these rules of "family purity." 

They arise today because of this trip to the Kotel – just one more separation — that placed this new family information in sharp relief.  I’ve been troubled by it – probably always will be.  But I consider it real growth that I’m working to understand, not deride, these ideas.  What better place to do that than in this holy city?

ASTOUNDING JEWISH WOMEN: THE JEWISH ORTHODOX FEMINIST ALLIANCE

Jofa_sat_niteA little over ten years ago some remarkable women, all Orthodox Jews, decided that the only way to have an impact on the role that women play in worship and governance in the Orthodox world was to organize.  Under the leadership of the legendary Blu Greenberg, JOFA ( Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance) was born.

From the beginning of my involvement in the Orthodox community, just three and a half years ago, I’ve been urged to be part of this group.  For a long time, and still, I feel a bit under-equipped.  I can argue for change and believe in it, but I can’t cite the texts that support either current or possible future perspectives, and in Orthodoxy the texts are a big part of every Halachic (religious rules) argument.  I study quite frequently now, but compared to those who grew up in the parallel universe of Jewish day schools and have such a head start, I don’t know if I’ll ever feel confident in my knowledge.  Even so, I have spent much of this weekend at a JOFA conference here in Washington, and it has been thrilling.  And disturbing.  But thrilling.

Mekudeshet_2There was a film — Mekudeshet — about the Agunah – women whose husbands refuse to grant them a Jewish divorce.  Orthodox women, without this  Jewish divorce, or "get," can’t remarry.  Any children they may bear are illegitimate and may only marry other "children of the get."  Clearly, as in any other form of spousal abuse, it’s a control issue.  Abusive husbands, men living with new women and even with new children, can leave their wives in limbo forever.  This is one of the areas JOFA works to change.

More universal were the panels.  One, on gender roles in K-12 education, was very provocative.  In many  Jewish day schools study of religious texts moves from coed to single-sex after somewhere around the 5th grade.  Of course when we do that by choice, and call it women’s education (I went to Smith and found it enormously liberating) we appreciate the freedom to be ourselves and not be cowed by louder, deeper voices.  The difference is that in Jewish education, when genders are separated, it’s more often for holiness, the perceived gender difference in roles and the presumed "danger" women bring to distract men than it is to empower young women to learn more completely.  It’s an interesting question.  When we choose it, many of us love- and are grateful for – single-sex education.  Quite correctly, I believe, resent it bitterly when we are "banished" to the girls classes, leaving the boys behind.  Is it possible to truly assimilate what is useful for girls in studying only with one another if there’s no other choice?  Or is it always going to re-enforce the frequent sense of gender inferiority that this conference works to remove?

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My choice for the second panel was one dealing with women and text – and all the factors of interpretation that emerge as more and more women become fluent in religious texts.  You aren’t going to believe this but for a long time, women were not allowed to study many of the interpretive works, and held in a kind of limbo as far as religious learning was concerned.  Change is coming in this arena though – from the co-ed Maimonides Jewish Day School, founded in Brookline, MA in 1937 and emerging as the institution that broke the stranglehold on single-sex text Talmud study, to all the new institutions like Drisha to deeply educate women in text and religious rulings (Halacha.)   Now it’s common for women to study these works.  I go to class every Tuesday night – but it’s still considered "progressive" to offer girls (and women) equal access to all learning.

I always find it empowering, even inspiring, to attend conferences of women.  Every year my days at BlogHer are treasures that sustain me all year.  WAM!, the Woman and Media conference, has the same effect.  This one, though, was especially moving.  Brainy, funny, lively and open, these Orthodox women are working to change more than a government, an attitude or a movement.  Sustained by and committed to a faith more than 5,767 years old, observant in the laws of Kashrut and family law, they work to ensure that Jewish life will be even more meaningful, and equal, for their daughters (and sons) than it has been for them.

A PLACE FOR EVERY JEWISH GIRL

Judah6_girls_blur_croppedThis weekend was a special one at our synagogue: our semi-annual "Makom shabbaton." Makom means place, and the program, initiated by someone I greatly admire and sponsored in part by a local Jewish women’s foundation,  works to help young girls find a place in the complicated world of Orthodox Judaism.  Clearly, given the divided seating and prohibitions on certain kinds of participation, it’s a difficult undertaking, but the concept, and execution, of this project are exemplary.

Today girls in the third, fourth and fifth grade stood before the entire congregation and delivered commentary on the Torah reading for this morning, which was Va-Yiggash, the story of the reconciliation between Joseph and the brothers who sold him into slavery.  It’s complicated stuff, but with the help of their spectacular teacher, they made wonderful sense of it.  Why didn’t Joseph tell his dad he was OK for all those 20+ years?  Why did he hide a cup in his little brother’s bag of grain, and "frame" him as a thief?  Why, in big brother Judah’s pleas to Joseph for mercy, did he mention their father 14 times?  In the  mini-sermons given today those questions, and more, were answered.

I wish you could have seen these little girls (really, 9-12 years old) stand in front of a huge sanctuary and speak in clear, confident voices, retelling bits of the story, citing commentators and making their points.  It was thrilling.   

There’s lots more to do for both girls and grown women in the Orthodox world, but days like today, and the growth of groups like the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance encourage optimism.  Of course here I am, only four years into life as a somewhat – more and more – Orthodox woman -and already ready to join the revolution. [What else is new? ]

The women (and men) who are part of this movement are smart  religious activists and it’s an inspiring community indeed.  What happened today is emblematic of their commitment to bringing more and more equity to the lives of religious Jewish women and in the process they are building a remarkable constituency and setting an amazing example for women (and men )from six to sixty and beyond.

PREVENTING SPOUSAL ABUSE; HONORING THOSE WHO HELP

Nat_aliza_officeSometimes a common event can remind you of the wonderful ways that others find to live their lives and help others.  Tonight we went to a benefit for a group that helps Jewish women trapped in abusive relationships; it’s call the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse.  We went because a good friend chairs the group, but also because they were honoring a remarkable pair of lawyers: Nathaniel "Nat" Lewin  and his daughter Alyza Lewin .  Together they are the law firm of Lewin & Lewin LLP . This article in Jewish Week Magazine describes them beautifully.

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Nat has an impressive history; it was kind of thrilling to see him honored and hear him speak so beautifully and lovingly of his lawyer daughter, his photographer daughter, his wife and grandkids, then to hear Alyza thank her parents, her husband, her sister, her kids and her nanny, all of whom were there. 

She described her memory of having "the talk" with her mom early in her adolescence — not "the talk" talk – but one at least as important.  Her mother, she said, told her to be economically self-sufficient, AND to never let her work keep her from getting married and having children, Then, she continued, half joking, her mother said "These two things, they conflict.  So now maybe it will be easier because I told you."  Everyone laughed, mostly with recognition.  We all know that clash and live with it.   

Most moms have a connection with their kids, begun physically of course, before birth that continues in a way that makes leaving them to go to work tough.  We were probably hard-wired that way.  When I saw this mother of four describing her mother’s warning and her subsequent efforts to be mother and powerhouse attorney, I thought about so many women — those law school pioneers terrorized in class and shut out of study groups, med students thrown out of operating rooms because they were too germy to be there without pantyhose (true story), women reporters shut out of the Radio TV Correspondent’s dinner unless they came as "hostesses."  We’ve all come a long way, and clearly Alyza Lewin, through her work, with her dad, on Jewish issues, is using the progress we made to help others.  As Jewish Week wrote:  "That’s meant
everything from representing apartment tenants whose landlords won’t
allow them to hang a mezuzah, to assisting government employees having
trouble getting their security clearances renewed because of family
ties to Israel, to helping rabbis ensure menorot can be displayed on
public property during Chanukah." 

She comes by it naturally.  Her dad, when he spoke, didn’t say much about his track record as an attorney – he didn’t need to.  Again, the profile;

Combining his time as an assistant to the
solicitor general and private practice, he’s argued 27 cases in front of the
Supreme Court. And his daughter notes that there is no legal issue relating to
the Jewish community that doesn’t have his "fingerprints" on it. ..
he drafted the provision of the Civil Rights Act that protects one’s religious
observance or practice. Later in the decade, he wrote legislation that allowed
federal workers to work "compensatory time" if they wanted to get
time off to observe religious holidays. … Lewin is still trying to create further protection for religious liberty.  The firm has taken up the case, on appeal,  of a Jewish parole officer in New York whose employer pressured him not to observe religious holidays by scheduling
mandatory meetings and training sessions on those dates. They are arguing that
the plaintiff faced a "hostile work environment"
similar to the kind of environment considered actionable for sexual harassment and
that the courts should recognize such a standard for religious practice.

Before forming Lewin and Lewin, Nathan Lewin was
a founding partner at Miller, Cassidy, Larocca & Lewin. Among his most
well-known clients was Ed Meese, when the Reagan administration attorney
general was the subject of an independent counsel investigation over charges of
influence peddling. …

U.S.dLewin also was actress Jodie Foster’s lawyer
when she testified during the trial of John Hinckley for the shooting of
President Ronald Reagan. In 1975, Lewin represented John Lennon on an appeal of
a US   decision to deport
him because of his previous conviction on drug possession charges in Great Britain.
Lewin said he never met the Beatle, having been recruited to handle the appeal
through Lennon’s lawyer. And he joked that he probably shouldn’t have cashed
the check Lennon sent him to pay for his services because the
autograph on it probably ended up being more valuable.

The Lewins currently …are working on a number of
other Jewish-related cases, such as the Boim case, in which, on behalf of a
victim of a Hamas terrorist attack in Israel, they successfully sued the Holy Land Foundation and two other U.S. charities for providing funding to the terrorist organization.  They are waiting for the results of an appeal but the legal theory they devleloped has been adopted by a number of other terror victims since.

So.  They deserved the honor.  The issue is horrifying – the "Jews don’t do that sort of thing" myth decimated – like the lives of so many of the women JACADA works to help.  The biggest reward for me though was to listen to this accomplished, unassuming and loving daughter tell her story and speak with such colleagial regard for her father.  It’s how things should be.  And so seldom are.
 

 

WAY BEFORE HER TIME- IN A HAT! REMEMBERING BELLA ABZUG

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She was way before her time — way before.  Loud, brash, confident, and always in a hat (even on the House floor), born in 1920 and elected to Congress in 1970, Bella Abzug was a force of nature who, early in her career, ignored serious threats on her life to defend Willie McGee, a Mississippi black man convicted of raping a white woman.  Although very pregnant at the time, she went to Mississippi to argue his case and face the cruel segregation machine that was the Jim Crow South.

Later, she represented many of those attacked by Senator Joe McCarthy in the 50’s and became one of the leaders of the anti-Vietnam War movement – and an enduring symbol of the struggle to gain the kinds of rights women enjoy today.  There was so much to her – and most of it was apparent in the force of her presence, and her impact on others.

Bella_book_cover_Now two of her long-time colleagues, admirers, friends and founding editors at Ms. Magazine have compiled an exciting and inspiring oral history.

To many of those who read this blog Bella is a seeming anachronism.  There’s no way to recall the desperation of those times not only because of the war but also because of the growing frustration of women trying to find an equal place in the world.  Bella broke down barriers, put the fear of God into politicians (and her staff and many of her admirers) with her fierce commitment and energy, and was a funny, loving person between battles – and this book brings all that to life.

So take a look at this engrossing story.  If you have a young woman friend who doesn’t know what came before there was an all-girl sweep of high school science awards (much less any girls competing at all), or women running the New York Times, or women so commonly in authority that their roles on TV are not “first” or “woman fill-in-the-blank” but simply jobs — chief residents like Miranda Bailey or hospital directors like Lisa Cuddy or even really bad bad guys like Angela Petrelli  share it with her this holiday – or for her birthday – or when she graduates.  And remind her of this:

When you get your meds from a woman pharmacist or get a ticket from a woman cop or have your plane waved to the gate by a woman airport worker — remember that they, and we, stand on the shoulders of this remarkable woman.  Take a look at her story (the book is called – Bella Abzug: How One Tough Broad from the Bronx Fought
Jim Crow and Joe McCarthy, Pissed Off Jimmy Carter, Battled for the
Rights of Women and Workers, … Planet, and Shook Up Politics Along
the Way
— then decide what you’re going to do to take us to the next landmark.

JERUSALEM DIARY 2.0 DAY SEVEN

Soldiers_lunch_with_guns_2We had four hours of class this morning and two of Hebrew this afternoon so I’m making this short.  Just know that the Pardes classes were once again remarkable.  It’s hard to explain spending two hours over a Torah concept but today our great teacher, Rabbi Reuben Grodner, brought us a eulogy that a revered rabbi and teacher Joseph B. Soloveitchik gave for the wife of the Talne Rabbi, another major force in his community.  The purpose for reading it, Rabbi Grodner said, was to demonstrate this pioneering rabbi’s understanding of the value of the moral and intellectual leadership of women, as well as men.  He also founded Maimonides School, the first school where girls and boys could learn Talmud together  – and for women, learn it at all.

Anyway it was very exciting as was the rest of the day.   I took the photo you see here on a tony Jerusalem street called Emek Rafaim -a combination of Soho and Columbus Avenue.  These young soldiers were doing security patrols and stopped for lunch – so their ever-present semi-automatics were in their laps (look just below the table edge.) 

What I’m trying to demonstrate with these daily security photos is NOT that Israel is dangerous because it really isn’t, unless you go to disputed areas, but that this is what life is like here – that people make their way and raise their kids and go to the movies and jog along the Old City walls, and these folks protect them as they do.  When I think about what we complain about at home — well — ever since 911 people have complained that the president never asked us to make sacrifices and we subsequently don’t have the same investment in the outcome.  If you want to see the kinds of quiet courage that emerge from shared responsibility, this is one place to look.

JERUSALEM DIARY 2.0 – DAY TWO (CORRECTED): THE SOTAH, THE HEBREW AND THE MEANDERINGS OF THE DAY

Israel_new_delhiIsn’t this funny?  We passed it walking home from dinner tonight and I just thought I’d share it.  We’ve had quite a day, one that I’ve already written about once and then, somehow, allowed the post to be devoured by the ethers of the Internet.  I’m going to try again but far more briefly as it’s getting late.

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First, here’s my daily security photo – from outside the coffee shop where we had breakfast.  And yes, this young man is patrolling THE MALL with a machine gun. 

Leahnachmanitova_2After that well-guarded breakfast we went to our first class of this trip at Pardes, a wonderful educational entity that’s tough to describe and even tougher not to love.  Our teacher today, as she was last year, was Tovah Leah Nachmani (she’s on the left.)  She’s an inspired and inspiring teacher and we had a blast discussing the laws of the Sotah (a woman accused of adultery) and, according to the Book of Numbers (Bamidbar), what should happen to her.  You can read it here – beginning with verse 11.  It’s fairly horrifying on first (or second or third) reading but this time we ended up with an unusual perspective. 

Tovah sent us out with our Chevruta (study partner – mine was my husband) to try to figure out what the commentators were asking themselves as they wrote about this passage -and how they answered.  As we did so, a strange perspective emerged.  SEE DAY THREE POST FOR IMPORTANT CORRECTION TO THIS: Basically,it seems that asking a woman accused of adultery to stand before God to be judged (the only time God concerned Himself in this way with the laws of men), to drink water mixed with dirt from the Temple floor and the ashes of the burned paper accusing her, and then to wait to see if her belly swelled up or not (yes was a sign of guilt) seems to subjecte her to something both terrifying and humiliating.  But once past that, even if she was guilty, there was no physical punishment, only a mandated divorce – and her lover was also punished.  SEE DAY THREE POST FOR IMPORTANT CORRECTION TO THIS

There’s more to it though: if his possibly adulterous wife stands before God to be judged, no husband however outraged is going to play God and punish her himself -by killing her ashe could in so many other cultures or even by beating her.  The ordeal in fact protects her from worse.  In addition, it’s clear to all that the preservation of the family was so important that only God could adjudicate when it was so jeopardized.

There’s lots more to it but it’s really late.  Suffice it to say that it was exciting to learn how much more lay behind this disturbing ritual.  Even so, it’s all of a piece.  )Our hair is dangerous, our voices are dangerous, even the potential for adulterous behavior is dangerous.  WE are dangerous.  And it’s not, mostly, for what we might do but for what we might cause to be done that is the big issue.  Granted, the Sotah has to have been formally warned in advance by her husband that she shouldn’t hang around alone with a specific man he suspects of having designs on her – and she can only be tried if she has done just that, but even so, these rules don’t apply equally to husbands. 

One of the most valuable things I’ve learned in the couple of years since I began studying this stuff, however, is that you can’t read it only from the perspective of the present.  The culture of the times is a critical variable in the mission and outcome of divine commandments and their enforcement.  And of what we can allow ourselves to learn as we read.

Enough already.  We also had an amazing walk around the city, bought me an orange hat and had a three hour Hebrew lesson.  But that’s for another day. Goodnight for now… and, as I learned today – erev tov.