LAST OF THE LEAVES, LAST OF NABLOPOMO, HARRY CHAPIN AND LIFE

Autumn_2007I can see this out my office window.  In a couple of months it will be silvery with snow.  Months after that, long after these last end-of-autumn  leaves have fallen, new ones will bud in their place, and there will be a riot of color once again  — this time with blossoms.

I titled a post a few months ago "ALL MY LIFE’S A CIRCLE, SUNRISE TO SUNDOWN" as I wrote about a beautiful Bar Mitzvah.  For some reason, I’m feeling that way today.  Listen to Harry Chapin’s wonderful words:
All my life’s a circle
Sunrise and sundown
Moon rolls through the night time
Till daybreak comes around
All my life’s a circle
Still I wonder why
Season spinning ’round again
Years keep rolling by.

Seems like I’ve been here before
Can’t remember when
I got this funny feeling
We’ll all be together again
No straight lines make up my life
All my roads have bends
No clear cut beginnings
So far no dead ends.
CHORUS
I’ve met you a thousand times
I guess you’ve done the same
Then we lose each other
It’s like a children’s game
But now I find you here again
The thought comes to my mind
Our love is like a circle
Let’s go ’round one more time.

All my life’s a circle
Sunrise and sundown
Moon rolls through the night time
Till daybreak comes around
All my life’s a circle
Still I wonder why
Season spinning ’round again
Years keep rolling by.

Beautiful, no?  Tomorrow it will be December – NABLOPOMO will be over for another year and the year itself as fast approaching its final days.  We’ve been through health scares and crises, major adventures and small pleasures, moving and rewarding family time and some times not so great.  So I guess that’s why I’m kind of weepy, having loved the release of daily writing and aware of how fragile is life — and love — and laughter, ready to "go ’round one more time."

Here’s the song:


Have a good weekend.

HOW OLD ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU CALLING A ELDER?

Elderly_ladyWe live in a community where many of our closest friends are well under 40 – several the ages of our sons.  Because we are culturally united, age isn’t such a big deal, which is strange.  I’ve always identified very strongly as a Baby Boomer.  Born in the first year of the cohort, I cherish the experiences and adventures and acknowledge the shared rages and disappointments that bind us.  Even so, I’m struggling with my place. 

There’s a group of bloggers led by Ronni Bennett, a wonderful writer and observer, through her blog Time Goes By – and she’s working to build a community she terms "Elder Bloggers."

I hate it.  Hate it.  I admire Ronni; I’ve always been OK with where I stand in age and presence but this is tough.  I can’t decide if I’m being immature and clinging to a world I don’t belong in or I just don’t have the same sensibility.  I moved online in the early 90s, I read science fiction and love Harry Potter; I listen to all kinds of music; I cherish every experience.  When my kids were little I often felt I had more in common with their teenage babysitters than with the parents of many of their friends.

It’s not that I deny my age — or my friends who are peers.  Or my responsibilities.  I’ve had a successful career raised great, honorable and capable kids.  It’s that I cherish the energy, openness and curiosity of those whose lives are more ahead of them than behind.  I remember maybe 20 years ago when a friend of mine was about to take her youngest son to college. Eyes welling up, she said something over lunch that day that still haunts me.  "It used to be that everything in my life was about beginnings, now it seems that most of it is about endings."  It was a devastating moment.  I swore I would never feel like that.

It’s no battle really.  It’s my nature to be curious — I have a short attention span and, as my blog header says, "There’s always more."  Remaining open is easy.  Realizing that it’s sometimes time to surrender some options is harder — even, or maybe especially, stupid ones like clothes.  I have a "style."  It took years to develop – not on purpose just by trial and error.  Often, I was in the fashion moment.  I went through the 80s in leggings and tunics and arm-loads of black rubber bracelets.  Oh and Reebok high-tops and thick saggy socks.  And that was at work!

One day though, you begin looking at those cool of-the-moment clothes with the thought "I wish I were young enough to wear those" instead of "wow how much is that one?"  It’s never said out loud (or at least not by anyone you’d listen to) – you just kind of know it.   A friend of mine with daughters says it happens to moms with girls much earlier because, as she put it "you don’t want to look like you’re competing.")  I, however, resisted as long as I could, then surrendered (except for jewelry and shoes, of course.)

Music too.  I was in the loop until hip hop, then got shoved pretty far into the margins.  My kids send me music now – from Great Big Sea to Jack Johnson to Green Day and I’m grateful. But these days I don’t even know who many of the Top Ten folks are  — and don’t care. 

That doesn’t make me an elder though.  Or a grown-up.  Just a responsible adult, defined by nature and interests, not age.  So Ronni – I’m with you with great admiration as you bring all of us together and continue to build the world’s coolest Boomer+ blogroll.  But the title — the title —  not for me my girl.  At least……..not yet.

Magic – Bruce Tells the Truth – Where’s the Rest of It?

MagicLife is complicated.  One day things are great; the next day someone you love breaks an ankle and faces weeks on crutches; another battles heartbreak and  demons. One day you’re lifted high in celebration; the next, angry and resentful.  One day you’re lost in silence – the next you’re listening to Bruce Springsteen warn you to "carry only what you fear" then enchant you with a wistful "Girls in Their Summer Clothes."   

I would have bought Magic sooner or later — if it has Bruce’s name on it, it’s on my iPod.  But my son’s endorsement sent me straight to Amazon right after its  release.  When The Seeger Sessions came out I played it for hours – over and over.  It just lifted you up out of your chair (or the driver’s seat.)  Magic needs more attention; it’s got a lot to say.  No courting froggies or underpaid sailors here.  What there is instead is a mournful, painful set of stories: political and personal.  They describe feelings I’ve struggled to express: anger, disappointment, anxiety over the future. 

Not much more to say except that I once saw Springsteen tell Bob Dylan "You were the brother that I never had."  He is the diary I never had.   In Bruce’s real-life anthems, you can find huge parts of my life. I was a lawyer’s daughter in a steel town.  The football heroes and Dairy Queen cowboys of my teen years were the boys of Springsteen’s New Jersey.  All so familiar: the longings of Thunder Road, the nostalgia of No Surrender

Every time I hear the lines "Now I’m ready to grow young again, And hear your sister’s voice calling us home, Across the open yards" I can see it.  The yard outside our house, the hill up to the neighbors and their tire swing, dusk in the summer when my sister really did call and we tore down the hill, sweaty, dirty and happy as hell. 

I don’t want to feel just as connected to these angry, disappointed words, but I do. It’s not just aging, knowing that childhood summers are long gone.  It’s the reality of the times he’s describing – so much the way I’ve experienced them without the capacity to express what I feel.  Not the only thing I feel — but as usual he’s speaking for a part of me.  This time though, instead of being grateful, I’m just so so sad.

Sad Music Always Makes Me Cry (Isn’t That a Song?) – Bruce, Jerry, Annie, Patti and Me

Eurythmics1_2 I heard this song on a Charmed rerun – the guilty pleasure that seems to be taking over my mind.  I listened again on iTunes (the link at the beginning)  – and felt my throat tighten and my heart pull.  I had to turn it off  — too sad.  Why?  No idea.

Song lyrics often do that to me.  Thunder Road, Scarlett Begonias, Peaceable Kingdom — I just have to skip the iPod to the next thing.  Lately this is a more frequent occurrence.  Either I’m far more open to emotion than usual or something is making me really sad.  Im struggling to figure out what’s up but suspect I’m avoiding the figuring too.  Sigh.

I thought this was going to be a long pensive post but I think I’m just gonna shut up, get ready for the end of Sukkot and listen to the new Bruce when it gets here today from Amazon.  Besides, I’ve written about music and my moods before so I’m beginning to sound a little repetitive, even to myself.  This was written before sundown Wednesday and will show up on its own Friday morning; I’ll be back after the holiday.   

WILLIAM GIBSON, NEUROMANCER, THE WEB AND THE NEWSPAPER

William_gibson
I’m a big William Gibson fan.  His new book Spook Country
just arrived and I’m struggling to wait to start it on an upcoming beach
weekend instead of plunging in like I did with Harry Potter.  It was
he – and his book Neuromancer,
published in 1984, that led me onto the Internet in the early 90s, well before most of my
friends.  Once I dove into cyberspace (Gibson coined the word) I never
looked back.

Neuromancer was Gibson’s first book .  Much of his early work was a dark view of a connected
world full of data pirates and megacities ("the Sprawl" in the US and
"Chiba City" in Japan) with skies, in one of his most famous quotes, "the color of television, tuned to a dead 
channel
."
I believed as I read Neuromancer and then all of his subsequent work that it was a preview of a
possible future and that parts of it were already on their way. 

This appeared in Reuters today:   U.S. consumers this year will spend more of
their day surfing the Internet than reading newspapers or going to the
movies or listening to recorded music
, according a study released on
Tuesday.
The report comes from the highly-regarded private equity firm
Veronis Suhler Stevenson, which examined consumer behavior to inform investment strategies.  Where would future ad money (hence revenue, hence good investments, I assume) go? 

When I began working online, I encouraged clients to include
their URLs in their ads and on their business cards.  In the 90s, a major LA newspaper ran ad trailers in local movie theaters.  Of course I urged them
to include their website URL at the end of the ad.  Concerned about cannibalizing the print product , they declined to do so.  I tell you this just to demonstrate how much has changed and how little many thought leaders realized what was going on around them (I also once heard Michael Eisner – on a public panel – call the Internet a fad – but that’s another story.) 

The study goes on to report
that TV still rules: “in 2006 consumers
spent the most time with TV, followed by radio, which together combined for
nearly 70 percent of the time spent with media. That was followed by recorded
music at 5.3 percent, newspapers at 5 percent, and the Internet at 5 percent.”
It then predicts that this year “the Internet will move up to 5.1 percent,
while newspapers and recorded music each move down to 4.9 percent
.”

 Except for the fact that  it appears to have omitted consideration of the many of us, particularly younger people, who multi-task and have the TV, radio or music playing while we’re online, it makes sense.  More and more, our lives are online — and our identities too.  More and more the world emerging from the imagination of William Gibson is becoming our world.

Here’s a final thought – a little out there but not totally unreasonable considering the Gibson constituency.  Wikipedia tells us "in his afterword to the 2000 re-issue of Neuromancer, fellow author Jack Womack goes as far to suggest that Gibson’s vision of cyberspace may have inspired the way in which the internet developed, (particularly the World Wide Web) after the publication of Neuromancer in 1984. He asks: What if the act of writing it down, in fact, brought it about?"   

 

 

PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER – (AND SO DOES THE MUSIC)

Music has always had power over me – and it seems that rather than growing out of it, as I age, it just keeps getting more intense. Oh – and somehow in the second half of my life, Patti Smith  keeps showing up.  Last night I plugged my iPod into my car radio for a drive home from an evening meeting. I opened the sunroof and the windows to the summer night, set the player to "shuffle" and just let it choose.  What emerged?  THE PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER – the Patti Smith anthem  that closed the final night of the 2004 VOTE FOR CHANGE tour – one of the greatest musical experiences of my life.

So there I was – singing along – beating rhythm through the roof window and just so happy.  Of course the concert tour was unable to produce the change it sought – so maybe the people don’t  always have the power – but even after all the disappointments of my political life – and what for me has been the heartbreak of the past 6 years –the idealism of this song and all that it says: "the people have the power to redeem to work of fools" … and "I believe everything we dream|can come to pass through our union| we can turn the world around|  we can turn the earth’s revolution |  we have the power — People have the power … " still lifts my heart. 

I couldn’t find video of everyone in the tour singing PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER but I did find this and it was so great that even though it’s not what I was writing about, it’s from the same night and  you’ll love it.  Now I have to go do some work.  Enjoy yourselves.

Vote for Change ~ Cleveland ~ Oct 2, 2004

L

WILL YOU STILL NEED ME, WILL YOU STILL….??

Dscn0544_3 Saturday night we went to my friend Rona’s 60th birthday party in LA.  The photo is me, Rona and our Today Show colleague Coby. It was really fun – how often does Famous Amos bake you cookies and Brian Wilson sing to you on a Bel Air tennis court turned party heaven?  How often do you see photos of yourself, your friend and your husband at Today Show shoots and crazy parties?  And how often, in the unexpected chill of an April Los Angeles evening, do you see a pile of blankets for guests that includes the one you made their now 14-year-old son when he was born? 

I’ve written about Rona before but Saturday night was a real reminder of the nature of a gifted friend.  She asked everyone to stand up.  Those who knew her 5 years or less, sit down.  Then ten years.  Then fifteen.  We were feeling pretty cocky since we were in the 20 years or less category – until we saw how many people – from New York, DC, Hawaii, San Francisco, LA and God knows where else – were standing at 30 – and even 40 years!  And Rick and I knew many of them; we’d been to birthday parties or holiday events or just dinner with them over the years. I once heard someone quote Wendy Wasserstein as saying that you could judge someone’s character by how well they kept their friends.  In that as in so many other ways she was a star.

On the tables were CDs for all of us – with a photo of her at Woodstock on the cover (one that I’d used in our 20 year anniversary piece (it was really great) to close it out.  Sunday I was driving around LA while my husband was at his conference so I stuck the CD into the player.  The next thing I knew I was driving down the 10 Freeway in tears — not sweet little showers but huge wracking sobs.  Not really sadness, it was more a recognition of all the treasured time that has passed – of how much I loved so much of it and how real it still feels to me.  I’ve never read Remembrance of Things Past but I’m told that the entire epic emerges from memories evoked from the smell of a Madeline (a kind of French cookie – they sell them at Starbucks I think.) 

Well each song – Van Morrison or Bob Dylan or Paul Simon or Marvin Gaye took me someplace.  The thing is – sad as I was, I was also absurdly grateful to have the memories and moments so powerfully evoked by the music.  Not until I hit 60 did I realize you really DO get older – that some things are in the past for good.  When the music is there, though, nothing's really gone.  Memories and senses arise in all their glory and float me back where I came from.  Not for long – and not entirely – but enough to remind me of the privileges of my life and the wonders of life itself.  Corny but oh so true – music brings the gift of memory and joy.  Yet another thing to thank birthday girl Rona for adding to my life.  Happy birthday one more time, my sister.

ROCK HALL OF FAME: PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER

Patti_smith_3 Monday night Patti Smith was among those inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  As I’ve written in the past, I’ve attended a few inductions and they are high on the list of great experiences and remind us (as if we needed it) of the power of the music — a topic I’ve been discussing recently. 

This remarkable poet, who wrote Peaceable Kingdom – a mournful memory of her husband, who died of heart disease way too soon, and the anthem People Have the Power, can move us, then generate anger and provoke action.  Listen to these – these are iTunes links: Peaceable Kingdom and People Have the Power.  As different as they can be and each inspiring, moving and unforgettable.

Smith wrote in the New York Times that she had been ambivalent about the award – this independent spirit wasn’t certain she wanted to treat her art in this way.  I’m including the whole piece here because it will soon go behind the Times "wall."  Just see what sort of person has just been honored – and join me in my high respect and affection for this remarkable artist.

ON a cold morning in 1955, walking to Sunday school, I was drawn to the voice of Little Richard wailing “Tutti Frutti” from the interior of a local boy’s makeshift clubhouse. So powerful was the connection that I let go of my mother’s hand.

Rock ’n’ roll. It drew me from my path to a sea of possibilities. It sheltered and shattered me, from the end of childhood through a painful adolescence. I had my first altercation with my father when the Rolling Stones made their debut on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” Rock ’n’ roll was mine to defend. It strengthened my hand and gave me a sense of tribe as I boarded a bus from South Jersey to freedom in 1967.

Rock ’n’ roll, at that time, was a fusion of intimacies. Repression bloomed into rapture like raging weeds shooting through cracks in the cement. Our music provided a sense of communal activism. Our artists provoked our ascension into awareness as we ran amok in a frenzied state of grace.

My late husband, Fred Sonic Smith, then of Detroit’s MC5, was a part of the brotherhood instrumental in forging a revolution: seeking to save the world with love and the electric guitar. He created aural autonomy yet did not have the constitution to survive all the complexities of existence.

Before he died, in the winter of 1994, he counseled me to continue working. He believed that one day I would be recognized for my efforts and though I protested, he quietly asked me to accept what was bestowed — gracefully — in his name.

Today I will join R.E.M., the Ronettes, Van Halen and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. On the eve of this event I asked myself many questions. Should an artist working within the revolutionary landscape of rock accept laurels from an institution? Should laurels be offered? Am I a worthy recipient?

I have wrestled with these questions and my conscience leads me back to Fred and those like him — the maverick souls who may never be afforded such honors. Thus in his name I will accept with gratitude. Fred Sonic Smith was of the people, and I am none but him: one who has loved rock ’n’ roll and crawled from the ranks to the stage, to salute history and plant seeds for the erratic magic landscape of the new guard.

Because its members will be the guardians of our cultural voice. The Internet is their CBGB. Their territory is global. They will dictate how they want to create and disseminate their work. They will, in time, make breathless changes in our political process. They have the technology to unite and create a new party, to be vigilant in their choice of candidates, unfettered by corporate pressure. Their potential power to form and reform is unprecedented.

Human history abounds with idealistic movements that rise, then fall in disarray. The children of light. The journey to the East. The summer of love. The season of grunge. But just as we seem to repeat our follies, we also abide.

Rock ’n’ roll drew me from my mother’s hand and led me to experience. In the end it was my neighbors who put everything in perspective. An approving nod from the old Italian woman who sells me pasta. A high five from the postman. An embrace from the notary and his wife. And a shout from the sanitation man driving down my street: “Hey, Patti, Hall of Fame. One for us.”

BLAME IT ON THE ROLLING STONES

Rolling_stone_1970_1Here I am, working in my office with the TV on for company.  It’s behind me on a filing cabinet so mostly I’m really listening.   And I hear "Christmas, Christmas time is here, time for joy and time for cheer…"  It’s Alvin and the Chipmunks – the sped-up voices singing every December since I was in junior high – and they’re singing now because they accompany the opening credits of ALMOST FAMOUSCameron Crowe’s wonderful film about an aspiring rock journalist who wrote for ROLLING STONE, and it has emerged on TBS. 

Tjhs_1 Immediately I’m transported back to the "community room" of Thomas Jefferson High School on Route 51, 6 miles south of Pittsburgh.  Sock hops.  Standing along the wall waiting for someone to ask you to dance.  Crying in the girls’ room when they didn’t.  Driving around for hours in Barbara Morton’s dad’s convertible listening to our "Daddio of the Raddio" Porky Chedwick.   

Beyond it all, the transporting power of the music.  It’s actually kind of weird; this week I was in a Torah class studying ancient rules about when men are, or are not, permitted to listen to a woman’s voice.  The rules are very different for the singing voice than for the speaking voice.  Yeah – both of them are a bit peculiar but it is fascinating that as long as people (mostly men) have been thinking about these things. they’ve been aware of the power of music to distract, seduce, inspire and arouse. 

However disturbing it may be to learn that our long-ago sisters, in all cultures, not just Jewish ones, were isolated because of the perceived dangers of what might arise between women and men if relationships were allowed to emerge, they weren’t wrong about the underlying power of the music. 

The theory — at least one — was that listening to a woman’s voice, asking how she is, even, could lead to dangerous interactions.  I’m not here right now to discuss this topic, but to observe that as long as man has been making music it has been seen as dangerous and seductive.

Nothing too profound, but it’s Saturday night.  What do you want?