BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK – WHAT DO WE THINK?

This is old now and all over the interweb PLUS all the feminist listservs that reach my mailbox.  What’s the verdict?  Funny?  Post-Feminist?  JUST funny?  Too true to BE funny? Too funny to be true?  Other?  Check one (or more…)

PREVENTING SPOUSAL ABUSE; HONORING THOSE WHO HELP

Nat_aliza_officeSometimes a common event can remind you of the wonderful ways that others find to live their lives and help others.  Tonight we went to a benefit for a group that helps Jewish women trapped in abusive relationships; it’s call the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse.  We went because a good friend chairs the group, but also because they were honoring a remarkable pair of lawyers: Nathaniel "Nat" Lewin  and his daughter Alyza Lewin .  Together they are the law firm of Lewin & Lewin LLP . This article in Jewish Week Magazine describes them beautifully.

Nat_aliza_two_shot2
Nat has an impressive history; it was kind of thrilling to see him honored and hear him speak so beautifully and lovingly of his lawyer daughter, his photographer daughter, his wife and grandkids, then to hear Alyza thank her parents, her husband, her sister, her kids and her nanny, all of whom were there. 

She described her memory of having "the talk" with her mom early in her adolescence — not "the talk" talk – but one at least as important.  Her mother, she said, told her to be economically self-sufficient, AND to never let her work keep her from getting married and having children, Then, she continued, half joking, her mother said "These two things, they conflict.  So now maybe it will be easier because I told you."  Everyone laughed, mostly with recognition.  We all know that clash and live with it.   

Most moms have a connection with their kids, begun physically of course, before birth that continues in a way that makes leaving them to go to work tough.  We were probably hard-wired that way.  When I saw this mother of four describing her mother’s warning and her subsequent efforts to be mother and powerhouse attorney, I thought about so many women — those law school pioneers terrorized in class and shut out of study groups, med students thrown out of operating rooms because they were too germy to be there without pantyhose (true story), women reporters shut out of the Radio TV Correspondent’s dinner unless they came as "hostesses."  We’ve all come a long way, and clearly Alyza Lewin, through her work, with her dad, on Jewish issues, is using the progress we made to help others.  As Jewish Week wrote:  "That’s meant
everything from representing apartment tenants whose landlords won’t
allow them to hang a mezuzah, to assisting government employees having
trouble getting their security clearances renewed because of family
ties to Israel, to helping rabbis ensure menorot can be displayed on
public property during Chanukah." 

She comes by it naturally.  Her dad, when he spoke, didn’t say much about his track record as an attorney – he didn’t need to.  Again, the profile;

Combining his time as an assistant to the
solicitor general and private practice, he’s argued 27 cases in front of the
Supreme Court. And his daughter notes that there is no legal issue relating to
the Jewish community that doesn’t have his "fingerprints" on it. ..
he drafted the provision of the Civil Rights Act that protects one’s religious
observance or practice. Later in the decade, he wrote legislation that allowed
federal workers to work "compensatory time" if they wanted to get
time off to observe religious holidays. … Lewin is still trying to create further protection for religious liberty.  The firm has taken up the case, on appeal,  of a Jewish parole officer in New York whose employer pressured him not to observe religious holidays by scheduling
mandatory meetings and training sessions on those dates. They are arguing that
the plaintiff faced a "hostile work environment"
similar to the kind of environment considered actionable for sexual harassment and
that the courts should recognize such a standard for religious practice.

Before forming Lewin and Lewin, Nathan Lewin was
a founding partner at Miller, Cassidy, Larocca & Lewin. Among his most
well-known clients was Ed Meese, when the Reagan administration attorney
general was the subject of an independent counsel investigation over charges of
influence peddling. …

U.S.dLewin also was actress Jodie Foster’s lawyer
when she testified during the trial of John Hinckley for the shooting of
President Ronald Reagan. In 1975, Lewin represented John Lennon on an appeal of
a US   decision to deport
him because of his previous conviction on drug possession charges in Great Britain.
Lewin said he never met the Beatle, having been recruited to handle the appeal
through Lennon’s lawyer. And he joked that he probably shouldn’t have cashed
the check Lennon sent him to pay for his services because the
autograph on it probably ended up being more valuable.

The Lewins currently …are working on a number of
other Jewish-related cases, such as the Boim case, in which, on behalf of a
victim of a Hamas terrorist attack in Israel, they successfully sued the Holy Land Foundation and two other U.S. charities for providing funding to the terrorist organization.  They are waiting for the results of an appeal but the legal theory they devleloped has been adopted by a number of other terror victims since.

So.  They deserved the honor.  The issue is horrifying – the "Jews don’t do that sort of thing" myth decimated – like the lives of so many of the women JACADA works to help.  The biggest reward for me though was to listen to this accomplished, unassuming and loving daughter tell her story and speak with such colleagial regard for her father.  It’s how things should be.  And so seldom are.
 

 

WAY BEFORE HER TIME- IN A HAT! REMEMBERING BELLA ABZUG

Bella_life_mag_3
She was way before her time — way before.  Loud, brash, confident, and always in a hat (even on the House floor), born in 1920 and elected to Congress in 1970, Bella Abzug was a force of nature who, early in her career, ignored serious threats on her life to defend Willie McGee, a Mississippi black man convicted of raping a white woman.  Although very pregnant at the time, she went to Mississippi to argue his case and face the cruel segregation machine that was the Jim Crow South.

Later, she represented many of those attacked by Senator Joe McCarthy in the 50’s and became one of the leaders of the anti-Vietnam War movement – and an enduring symbol of the struggle to gain the kinds of rights women enjoy today.  There was so much to her – and most of it was apparent in the force of her presence, and her impact on others.

Bella_book_cover_Now two of her long-time colleagues, admirers, friends and founding editors at Ms. Magazine have compiled an exciting and inspiring oral history.

To many of those who read this blog Bella is a seeming anachronism.  There’s no way to recall the desperation of those times not only because of the war but also because of the growing frustration of women trying to find an equal place in the world.  Bella broke down barriers, put the fear of God into politicians (and her staff and many of her admirers) with her fierce commitment and energy, and was a funny, loving person between battles – and this book brings all that to life.

So take a look at this engrossing story.  If you have a young woman friend who doesn’t know what came before there was an all-girl sweep of high school science awards (much less any girls competing at all), or women running the New York Times, or women so commonly in authority that their roles on TV are not “first” or “woman fill-in-the-blank” but simply jobs — chief residents like Miranda Bailey or hospital directors like Lisa Cuddy or even really bad bad guys like Angela Petrelli  share it with her this holiday – or for her birthday – or when she graduates.  And remind her of this:

When you get your meds from a woman pharmacist or get a ticket from a woman cop or have your plane waved to the gate by a woman airport worker — remember that they, and we, stand on the shoulders of this remarkable woman.  Take a look at her story (the book is called – Bella Abzug: How One Tough Broad from the Bronx Fought
Jim Crow and Joe McCarthy, Pissed Off Jimmy Carter, Battled for the
Rights of Women and Workers, … Planet, and Shook Up Politics Along
the Way
— then decide what you’re going to do to take us to the next landmark.

JERUSALEM DIARY 2.0 – DAY FOUR – THE SOTAH AND MEA SHEARIM

2_mea_sharimThursday morning I sent myself an email that said this:  We are just leaving Mea Shearim, the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood and I am so freaked out. Maybe the SOTAH story had more impact than I realized.   I told my husband that I was close to tears, that my chest was tight and I was someplace between scared and angry and he said – "You mean you felt like the Sotah, huh?"  Well. 

She does haunt me.  Even now, when I have learned so much that mitigates the horrors of her treatment, I can see her, standing there, as they pull off her hair covering and stand her before God (and the priests), forced to drink the waters full of dirt and ashes.  And what does that have to do with Mea Shearim?  I’m the intruder there; the very Orthodox residents who choose to remain largely on the outskirts of the rest of the world and  live a highly structured and mostly literal interpretation of every law and passage in the Torah – didn’t invite me to go wandering around looking at them while my husband bought a new Tallit (prayer shawl.)  Even so, for some reason every time I go there I get so sad.

At_the_bus_stop_mea_sharim_3My husband once accused me of "overidentification with the oppressed."  Maybe that’s it.  The men are so clearly the ones with the power here, walking by in 2’s and 3’s while harried mothers and kids run errands and see to 3 or 4 children under 5.  I have no right to consider them opressed.  Or unhappy. Or anything else.  What happens is that I imagine myself – stubborn, curious, eager to see and know everything – growing up here and wonder what would have become of me.  Maybe I would have had a peaceful and loving life, but my projections won’t let me think about that.  I just struggle with the stories I write in my mind about these families (these women) and their lives.

I have always loved The Chosen, and I have great respect for Chassidic Jews, for the most part.  But there is something about this infinitely old, infinitely tired part of Jerusalem that just breaks my heart.  As I write this, I suddenly wonder if perhaps it has more to do with me and my issues — that their lives are their own and I’m not sure that’s true of mine.

I’m writing this Thursday night in case I can’t finish it before Shabbat tomorrow — so Shabbat Shalom.

THOREAU, JOHN HARVARD AND WHO I WAS (OR…WHO WAS I?)

Walden_gorgeousYou have to love New England in the fall.  This is Walden Pond, retreat of Henry David Thoreau, where I spent Friday morning.  Morra Aarons of BlogHer and Women and Work and Joan Blades of Moms Rising let me tag along on their wanderings, including a walk all the way around the pond.  It was a remarkably appropriate location, since Thoreau, pretty much a rebel in addition to his fame as a thinker, is an inspiration to so many. So are these two.  I kept thinking about him as I listened to Morra and Joan talking about the future of women – and policy – and motherhood. 

Joan has done something remarkable: she’s launched Mom’s Rising to obliterate policy inequities toward mothers. Much of what Moms Rising seeks is built upon an acknowledgment of the special requirements that working moms face: the freedom to stay home with a sick child, to have equal access to jobs whether parents or not, and to live integrated lives.  According to Joan – in the past decade or so we Americans have added 500 hours a year to our working days.  That makes it harder than ever to integrate being a decent mothers and with the responsibility to support our families.

My generation was often either skeptical about motherhood or terrified to advocate for these issues because they could give men reasons to deny us equality in work, salary, promotions and benefits.  Now, through the vision of Moms Rising, these issues are moving toward unabashed prominence — no apologies necessary.  It’s difficult to describe the gratitude I feel — both for what they’re doing and for the fact that they can.  When my kids were little, asking for time off to care for a sick kid was scary; what would they say not only in the front offices but also around the water cooler?  We had to be so circumspect.  Today’s advocates are brave and skillful as they work to move policy forward; it’s a good feeling to know that the battles we fought then have advanced the argument and legitimized advocacy by moms for moms.

H_sq1It was a day for thinking, I guess.  I met Morra at the Harvard Square subway station.  As I stood waiting for her there, I felt such a rush of nostalgia and — almost — sadness.  Cambridge to a young student is a place full of promise — a chance to become excellent in a community of excellence.  I used to come in from my own college in western Massachusetts and just revel in it all.  Today I hit an ambush moment – I saw that young woman (me) running around in big scarves and wild hats and colored tights and antiwar buttons — making trouble and having a blast.  I’m grateful for that.  But I also know now that for everything we achieve – we miss something else.  Part of growing up is coming to terms with what we’ve accomplished — and what we haven’t.  And emerging from a subway station to a youthful landmark seldom visited can bring it all back at once.

That’s another reason for my gratitude about Moms Rising — another generation of activism pushing the boundaries my friends and I pushed out so far ourselves.    

So thanks and hats off – to my sisters who came before, to Morra and to Joan for a wonderful morning, to Joan for launching this very inspiring crusade and to all the mothers who’ve joined the fight. 

HILLARY, THE TONKIN GULF AND 1984

Hilary_video OK, those folks who run TypePad and YouTube haven’t found a way to add this blog host to automatic video posting so I’m hooking a link in right here  so you can watch this.  I can’t decide what I think – it’s funny and clever and a perfect definition of a mashup but it’s also mean and off-mark.  While many, including many feminists, have issues with Senator Clinton – this 1984/Apple Commercial version isn’t representative of most of them.  Accusations of opportunism and flabbiness on the war are not the same as totalitarianism.  True, she voted for the Patriot Act, but so did all but two Senators – and one of them didn’t vote at all! 

Now, I remind myself – we still remember who voted against the Tonkin Gulf Resolution (Senators Wayne Morse of Oregon and Ernest Gruening of Alaska) and that was in 1964 so maybe this vote will last too.  Anyway, I don’t know where I’ll land politically this year – I’m really just thinking about the power of the kinds of media manipulation (in the technical sense) that are possible today.  How will we ever help newer voters figure out how to determine the truth?  Are they so much more evolved than we are in a media sense that we needn’t worry, or is the dismal lack of critical thinking work in current No Child Left Behind education going to affect how people think in the voting booth as well as our educational standing in the world?

Thoughts?

BLOG AGAINST SEXISM DAY: CAN YOU BELIEVE WE STILL NEED TO DO THIS?

Superwoman_2 March 8 is Blog Against Sexism Day – and as I began thinking about what to write, this is what came out:

Once I met Betty Friedan – actually more than once – but the first time was at the 1967 National Student Association convention.  It was obviously a turbulent time: the Vietnam War was everyone’s obsession – at the conference and in the world outside; the Civil Rights movement was moving toward racial separation, Ramparts Magazine had just revealed that the CIA had been funding NSA and lots of other student activities. 

Betty_friedan_bw_3I wrote about this on the Ms. website when Betty died, so I’ll just repeat it here: She spoke about inequities in pay, power and sense of self between women and men. I was irritated. Didn’t she know there was a war going on? Didn’t she know how many kids went to bed hungry? Didn’t she know about racial injustice?

During Q and A I asked her "How can women worry about themselves when there is so much more abject misery in the world? " I asked. She drew herself up as only she could, looked me square in the eye and said "My dear, don’t hide behind the poor."

Fist_2 She was right, of course.  Over the years — I just realized that it’s 40 this year — we’ve struggled and grown.  The consciousness raising groups of the 70s were just that: they genuinely raised our awareness of the vast disparity in pay, rights and attitude between women and men.  The world today is unimaginably different.  But not finished.

There’s a sad split between old school feminists like me and younger, equally committed women.  I don’t feel it personally but see it as a real political loss – we should be working together and for many younger women the groups of my generation seem staid, old and disinterested in their younger sisters.  If we’re fighting sexism we shouldn’t be fighting each other! 

Beyond that, pay equity is closer but not all the way there; many major businesses and executive jobs still sport major glass ceilings, working mothers at all levels still have real problems – more in the hourly kinds of work than white collar.  Divorce, domestic abuse, child custody and support — all of these issues are still without resolution.  And in many areas, like abortion and federal protection of rights, we’ve slid badly under the current administration.

What gives me hope though is to think of my sons and the sons of my friends, and of the young people who share our lives in our community.  These men wouldn’t dream of assuming certain tasks belong to women; wouldn’t dream of treating a female colleague or employee with less than appropriate dignity and can’t imagine another way to live.  Systemically we still have a lot to do, but I do think that as we move forward these sons of feminists, raised with respect to respect their moms and sisters, classmates and friends, will not only de-fang sexism but also provide shining examples of how much better life is without it.  Amen.

HATS OFF (???)

 

Cindy_and_spaulding_2 What is it about hats?  When I was a young lefty-hippie I ran around in  a big orange straw hat with a floppy brim.  You can see me here with the late, amazing Spalding Gray.

Somehow though, when I entered the world of Orthodox Judaism, the hat seemed a surrender to authority and to what I saw as a kind of lower status.  Men cover their heads to remind them of God.  Women are mandated to cover their hair for reasons relating to the Orthodox concept of “modesty.”

Our “beit midrash” – a group of women who study Jewish concepts, ideas and texts together every Tuesday, has just spent several sessions talking about hair covering and its origins and interpretations.

Laura_frank_portrait The teacher for this topic, Laura Shaw Frank, is an effective,inspiring and gifted teacher.  A long-time corporate lawyer, she left her practice to become a Jewish educator.  Whatever sacrifices that has involved, it has been a gift to the communities of women (and often men AND women) who have benefited from her teaching.

What we learned, basically, is that 1] Women and the temptation they offer men are perceived as terribly dangerous.  Our hair is seen by many sages as so erotic and stimulating that it must be covered to protect both men and women.  Therefore modesty becomes our responsibility, to guarantee the virtue of our people.  2] In most parts of Orthodox Judaism only married women must cover their hair.  I’m still confused about why it isn’t more dangerous for young, single girls to be “exposed” than old married ladies like me, but there your are.   3]  WHEN women must cover their hair depends on where they happen to be.  At home, with only family around, no need.  The farther we get out into the world, the more rigid is the requirement to “cover up.”

Of course, Orthodox women observe this obligation in different ways.  Some wear wigs that cover every hair; some scarves and hats that do the same.  Some cover only the top portions of their hair – as this photo of Laura Frank illustrates.  Others wear head covering only in Synagogue.

THIS IS ME, NOT LAURA FRANK:  In any interpretation it’s discriminatory; we’re covering our heads to protect men.  Clearly there’s considerable argument about why this has to happen at all, although almost no disagreement that it has to happen in some form.  It’s another acceptance of discipline, but unlike many that I’ve written about here, this one is, to me, a manifestation of a deep distrust of women and the power we wield.  I have believed for some time that it is our power to create life, to bring forth new human people, that led men to view us as dangerous and subversive; that somehow it’s based on a jealousy that they do not have this ultimate privilege that rests with us.

ALL those reasons and many many more discussed over these past weeks made me really reluctant to buy into the hat-wearing thing.  Then I started thinking about touring Europe and carrying scarves to put over my head in cathedrals.  I was willing to cover my head in the cathedrals but not in my own congregation!  I decided that was disrespectful.  I began wearing scarves tied around my head.  They looked kind of cool – and I felt more appropriate.

Hats_crop1_1 I wore the scarves for over a year and then I got sick of having them slide around and cram my bangs against my face.  I solved the problem.  I bought a hat.  A red hat.  I felt a little bit like I was playing dress-up but it’s become easier.

Last week, at the last class taught by Ms. Frank, we had a hat sale.  THAT was really like playing dress-up with your girlfriends!  I bought a really pretty one.  And although I wear hats whenever I’m in the sanctuary at the Synagogue, I am still bothered by the discrimination implied by the rules and definitions surrounding head coverings.

As we heard in class though, if you’re going to engage in the rules of head covering and modesty, at least know where they came from.  I know now, and I’ll cover my head in shul even though I’m not happy with the reasons behind it.  In my heart, I still believe that much of the behavior prescribed for women in the Torah emerges from a deep anxiety about the powers and mysteries that surround us — powers that offer us the privilege of pregnancy and birth, of an inviolate connection to our children and of wisdom shared — for centuries — among us.  Fortunately, no hat is going to cover that!