OUT OF THE CLOSET

I sometimes write about the beginnings of this Jewish life I am trying to live.  Today a piece I wrote this summer appears in the Orthodox Union magazine – called Shabbat Shalom.  It’s about the day I made our home kosher.  It’s pretty straightforward but for anyone who wonders how I can write about Patti Smith and observant Judaism in the same post, it will be interesting.  Actually, I’m pretty proud of it.  Here’s a preview – then you can go read it.

October 18, 2006  I Have a Kosher Home 

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Today I kashered my kitchen. Well, actually – a lovely Tunisian friend named Riadh and his catering team did the work. I just designated things milk, meat and parve and called the Rabbi to ask if I had to get rid of all my knives and whether you had to polish the silver before kashering it (you don’t.) Strange things happened. The idea of giving up my mother’s bread knife had me close to tears. The idea of never using my blue mugs (now dairy) when I served dinner on our white china (meat) made me angry. Was I sure – I asked myself – that this was the right decision – a commitment that, once made, I would honor as a matter of principle as well as faith

I wrote it because I was asked to – but it was valuable to have to describe something about our Orthodox life in concrete terms.  There’s a 12 step saying "fake it til you make it."  I’ve discovered that it works well in a quest for faith too.  When Woody Allen said 90% (or 85 or 95 depending on the source) of life is just showing up." he was right.  If you’re not there trying you aren’t going to get very far.

So take a look and let me know what you think.  This has been an important passage for me and it flies in the face of the secular nature of the political and social circles in which I’ve always lived. So many people are moving in the other direction – Europe – always a place I felt supremely comfortable – is mostly secular now.  So is the progressive universe in which I spend most of my time.  Even so I feel a sense of peace that I haven’t known before as I make my way slowly toward more and more observant living.  Probably part of the reason is that no one is pushing me — my husband and I determine the speed and nature of our evolution and it’s often not at precisely the same rate.  But we’re getting where we need to go and learning to accept the discipline.  Our children have come, I think, to at least respect what we’re doing; at the same time, we need to remember to respect their right to decide their own spiritual lives even if the decision differs radically from ours. 

That’s enough.  Read the piece and comment here, will you?  I want to know how it looks from the outside.

PATTI SMITH, CBGB AND AN OBSERVANT LIFE

Cbgb I’ve never been to CBGB OMFUG.  Why do I care about a punk music club whose entrance was always spattered with graffiti and most of whose musical appearances were by people I knew almost nothing about — except Bruce Springsteen [he wrote this with Patti Smith] , Patti Smith [two favorites: People Have the Power, Peaceable Kingdom], Joan Jett [I Love Rock and Roll] and a few others? (I don’t t know the lore all that well – but it always seemed to me that women really got a crack at center stage at CBGB.)  I think it was just nice to see it there – waving its fist in the air.  It has closed – maybe to reopen, maybe not – and I’m just kind of sad to see it losing its lease to what some have called "the suburbification of Manhattan." 

Patti Smith, whom I had the honor to meet at last year’s Media Reform conference in St. Louis, was a real CBGB heroine and I felt, meeting her, a deep connection.  We’re the same age.  She’s a heartbreakingly honest person who lost her husband way too soon (and wrote People Have the Power partly at his instigation) — a mom and a singular human soul.  The music she made was remarkably articulate (she is a poet after all) and inspiring.  I’ve linked above to two of my favorites — one of which, People Have the Power, was an anthem of the Vote for Change election tour in 2004.

So what do the final days of a gritty music club where I never went have to do with my life as an observant Jew?  Believe it or not – plenty.  Both of them were fascinating universes I always observed from the outside and wondered about.  Both stood for making one’s own way to truth.  That search has taken me, for some reason I’m still grappling with, to the Orthodox Jewish community  where I’ve found a home and spirit that brings a new kind of meaning to my life. 

At my last big birthday I complained to a friend about my age and her response was "but you’re completely reborn in this new life – you’re not old AT ALL!"  In some ways she’s right.  I certainly feel that there’s a universe I’m traveling through that’s new, moving, inspiring and mysterious.  Sometimes though it’s also a pain.  For the past several weeks, from Rosh Hashanah (the New Year) to the end of Simchas Torah (Ending the annual, week-by-week reading of the Torah: the five books of Moses – Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy and beginning again) the holidays consumed days of time: in synagogue, inviting guests to meals and going to meals at friends, building and dismantling a sukkah and observing the prohibition on driving and work.  Since this year many of these days fell on weekends it meant NO catching up on work on Sundays and no farmer’s market. (two weird examples, I admit.) Since it’s the end of tomato season that last was sad though not critical to the future of the human race or my household.  Even so, all these small requirements, which I try to follow since I’ve made this commitment, can consume time and tax serenity and spirituality.  I’ve come to love the prohibition on the Sabbath and enjoy the quiet days reading, taking walks, visiting, napping and sharing ideas.  But the surrender to and acceptance of all these rules is a peculiar experience and I grapple with it daily.  Even so, the quest, like that of the young rebels who put CBGB on the map, is a great adventure – and the learning is exhilarating.

Go listen to People Have the Power whether this post makes sense or not.  It will make you happy on a Monday – although that’s easier here today since it’s the third amazingly gorgeous fall day in a row – with leaves turning and leaf smells beginning to fill the air.  Which, I just realized, takes us right back to faith and gratitude for the world’s beauty when it shows up.    

CHARMED, I’M SURE

Charmed2_1   I work at home much of the time.  Usually I watch C-SPAN.  But I tripped over a show called CHARMED (more) that most of you probably already know and I find that I’m … well…charmed by it.  In case you’re as clueless as I was, it’s a long-running Aaron Spelling (no surprise there) series about three sisters who learn that they’re witches — good witches of course — and not only good witches but the official CHARMED ONES.  Apparently the power of sisters radically increases the power of witch-hood.  Anyone with sisters could have told you that.

The longest running series with female leads, the show ran for 8 years and is now in multiple reruns on TNT, which is where I found them.  They’re gorgeous, smart, sensible and dedicated to vanquishing evil and saving the world.  Just like the rest of us, right?  They love each other, they grow, learn, fall in love, have children, and fight demons with their powers — all at the same time. 

I don’t know what it is.  I have two sisters and we love each other and used to have sister power hugs every holiday when we were all together and now, with all of us over 50, still love each other and our sister power even through its occasional glitches and frayed moments.  I love women — always have- and get what it is about us all that’s so wonderful.  But none of that explains my affection for a television show about women younger than my sons and their do-gooding, loving, thrilling, gorgeous lives.  I’m more of a West Wing/Six Feet Under/Sopranos kind of girl.  Go figure.

I don’t think I’m going to try.  Any time great, brave, committed, generous women are out saving the world – whether they’re Amy, Lauren and Maxine, Cagney and Lacey, CJ, Donna, Abbey and Amy, or Rose, Georgina, Lady Marjory and Mrs. Bridges, it’s a cause for celebration.  So that’s what I’m doing.  Celebrating the charm of the Charmed Ones and glad that they keep me company once in a while.

ANTI-TERRORISM ADS IN MIDDLE EAST

There is a new anti-terrorism campaign running on TV networks across the Middle East.  I have no idea if its reach is worthwhile but it is encouraging so, assuming that most of you don’t get all the newsletters and links that I receive, I’m telling you about it here.  The first ad seems remarkably understated and the second quite melodramatic but it’s interesting that they exist.  I do tend to be a bit of a Pollyanna about such things so include here some of what AP has said about the campaign – but watch a sample on the link below before you read on.Iraq_anti_violence_1

[Click here to view]

According to AP: “The U.S. government refuses to say clearly whether it’s involved in the commercial, which began airing this summer on Al-Arabiya, Lebanese Broadcasting Corp. and several Iraqi channels at a time when violence was raging in Baghdad and between Hezbollah and Israel. . . .A Los Angeles warehouse district filled with 200 cast members stood in for the market during the ad’s filming earlier this year, according to a statement by California-based 900 Frames, which helped produce the commercial. During the filming, 900 Frames said that the group behind it, the Future Iraq Assembly, wanted to remain anonymous. The group, which also is behind a series other of Iraq-specific ads, describes itself as an independent, non-governmental organization, comprised of a number of scholars, businesspersons, and activists. The Assembly’s site gave an e-mail address but did not respond.

If anyone is in a position to know more about this or to live in that part of the world and have perspective to offer, I hope you will do so.  The news has been so terrible and the prospects of our position in that part of the world so dreadful that it is encouraging to see people stepping up to take responsibility for trying to put the fire out -at least for those in Iraq.  What do you think?  I’m especially interested in what my friend Lori at Sand Gets in My Eyes, living in Saudi Arabia, thinks and what ad maven Liz at Mom-101 has to say — and in YOUR ideas.

Spirit, Sukkot and Love

I’m in the middle of considerable chaos.  If you’re an observant Jew you spend this week eating all your meals in something called a Sukkah.  It’s a sort of four-walled canvas room with a roof made of branches or corn husks or bamboo because you have to be able to see the stars at night from inside.  The idea is to remember the Jews wandering the desert living in "booths."  It sounds so weird it’s hard to explain but it’s also lovely and romantic and a great way to have company in the crisp autumn lunches and evenings.  It’s all lit with sparkly white lights (like Christmas decorations) and great fun.

The chaos comes from the cooking and planning.  I had a big lunch last Saturday and because it was the Sabbath had to cook it all in advance. It was damp and chilly but fortunately someone had lent me a crock pot so I put the soup on low just before the Sabbath started on Friday night and it was still hot for lunch on Saturday.  One of my guests was a vegetarian so I also made salmon, tabouli, eggplant casserole and salad.  A friend brought brownies and I made banana bread.  But it took FOREVER and learning how to arrange everything to serve outside added to the stress.  Everyone loved it but I was exhausted. 

One friend of mine does 16 people at a time (I had 11 counting us) and I’m damned if I know how.  I am still learning how to do all this -especially in a kosher kitchen.  The food DOES matter – it’s a sign of respect both to God and the holiday and to those who have entertained us so graciously as we made our way into all this so I get great satisfaction once the chaos has subsided but it’s tough along the way.  I am blessed in having friends to guide me and answer stupid questions like "can I use a "meat" infusion blender and still serve fish?"  Kosher niceties…

The funny thing is that the life we’re building now, around religious observance, sukkahs, fasts and prayers, builds a community that feels like the first real one since our days in the peace movement.  The goals are strangely similar too, a better world, better selves and great, common goals. 
I guess part of all this is the deep loss I have felt as those feeling dissipated in our days since the Civil Rights and Anti-War movements.  How amazing that the route back to them goes through the oldest of pathways.

ATONEMENT, APOLOGIES, AMENDS

Tonight is the beginning of a very holy day in Judaism – the "shabbat of shabbats" – the day of atonement.  The saying goes "On Rosh Hashanah ( the New Year – last week) it is written, on Yom Kippur (tonight and tomorrow) it is sealed."  God inscribes us in the Book of Life for another year.

You ask to be forgiven for all your sins and turn to those in your life to apologize, not just to God.  You have to mean it.  We are told that God knows we are not perfect and seeks our pursuit of virtue and repentance from our failures in those pursuits.

I have to say until the past couple of years, when I’ve been involved in observant Judaism (yeah I grew up Reform) I never felt the impact of the day, really.  Now though, it is something I take fairly seriously — including fasting from sundown to sundown.  Tonight we have some families having pre-fast dinner at our house and then we will all walk to services together.  Three kids under two will be among them.  The presence of children really brings home the value in trying to live a good life.  They will be inheriting so much that is bad in this world that any move we can make toward virtue is a plus.

I haven’t really done the human to human apology as I should I don’t think.  I hope by next year – my third in this new life, I will be comfortable doing that.  I have however, tried to be honest within myself and move toward real efforts to behave ina better way.

I’ve written about this before but the other thing that fascinates me is the similarities between the 12 steps and observant Judiasim.  Again here, the steps include listing all one might have harmed and "trying to make amends to them all" unless an approach might do damage (I guess reveal secrets to others etc.)  On Yom Kippur we make the same approach to God. 

If I can get myself to feel that I’ve moved in that direction – I know I’m far from spiritually ready to carry out the whole journey – it will be a wonderful way to move through the new Jewish year, appreciate the beauty of the changing leaves and the silvery winter to come.  Shanah tovah. 

Burqas, Fareed Zakaria and Women’s Mags

So I meant to write about several OTHER things today but an exchange on a women’s media list in which I participate struck me. I love VOGUE. I used to say that I only read it in the beauty parlor but really I read it – period. I am now hoarding the NYT Sofia Coppola’s Paris fashion supplement to read this weekend. So I was fascinated by the fuss over Fareed Zakaria – whom my younger son totally admires and whose articulateness and cool perspectives also impress me- and his joke at a recent panel at the Council on Foreign Relations Here’s part of the Huffington Post post that started the conversation:

“Last week, Zakaria moderated a Council on Foreign Relations event featuring Afghan President Hamid Karzai, excerpts of which can be found here. Notably absent is an exchange that occurred during the question-and-answer period at the end, when Glamour journalist Shirley Velasquez stood to ask Karzai a question. After identifying herself as a Glamour reporter, Zakaria interrupted her, cracking: "Glamour? Blue burqa vs. black burqa?”

According to Velasquez, the audience erupted with laughter, and Karzai “laughed and said something about being grateful that finally an easy question was going to be asked.” He should have been so lucky: Velasquez came armed with a question about the deplorable treatment of women in Afghanistan, noting that the U.N. estimates that less than half of school-age girls are actually in school and a whopping 70% of married women in Afghanistan suffer from domestic abuse.   

Asked Velasquez: “My question, Mr. President is why have these conditions persisted and how is your government improving the lives of women” Oh, ho ho, blue burqa vs. black burqa? According to Velasquez, Karzai seemed taken off guard by the question and responded: “Your first problem is the source you’re using. The UN doesn’t know what they’re saying,” and quoted stats were “absolutely wrong” At this point, says Velasquez, Zakaria actually stepped in and warned Karzai, saying, “Be careful Mr. President. Remember you¹re on the record.”.  Way to facilitate the discourse, Fareed.

Karzai continued, maintaining that Afghanistan had “great respect” for its women, more than most other countries in the area. Wow, set that bar high.” You can read the whole post – and a transcript here.

I got kind of obsessed with the history of women’s magazines, which I knew to include publication of many serious and mature writers for much of the past century. Here’s what I said – and what I found in Wikipedia:.

In fact, the late lamented Mademoiselle – and other women’s mags, were outlets for great writers in the first half of the century – albeit often with male editors but editors who clearly thought women could appreciate good fiction and complicated ideas.

Most men today have no idea of the content and influence of these mags (and yes I know Betty Friedan used the change in focus in The Feminine Mystique but I still think we need to remember the proud tradition of these publications.) Even Vogue – the queen of the old fashion books – has always carried substantial content. Most readers enjoy both the fashion and the substance when it’s available. We just don’t feel the need to tell everyone “I only buy it for the interviews”

WIKIPEDIA:

MADEMOISELLE was an influential women’s Magazine published by Condé Nast Publications. Its historically notable contribution to literature was that it published short stories by noted authors such as Truman Capote, which other magazines did not.” Also, Sylvia Plath’s experiences during the summer of 1953 — as a guest editor at Mademoiselle in New York City and in deepening depression back home — provided the basis for The Bell Jar, her only Novel" One of the most influential artists of this century, Barbara Kruger Art director and image developer, creating works using Anchorage which was used in the magazine.

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL first published February 16,1883 as a women’s supplement to the Tribune and Farmer. The following year it became an Independent publication. It was published by the Curtis Publishing Company and edited by Louisa Knapp until she was replaced by Edward William Bok" in 1919. He published the work of social reformers such as Jane Addams.

MCCALL’S was a monthly women’s magazine that enjoyed great popularity through much of the 20th century, peaking at a readership of six million in 1960. It published much fiction, including such authors as Willa Cather, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gelett Burgess, Ray Bradbury, Jack Finney, Anne Tyler and Tim O’Brien.

So did Zakaria overstep? I wonder how anyone can laugh over the humiliation of the burqa.  It’s almost physically painful to me to imagine.  And if you read What do you think?

Repentance, the New Year and Friends of Bill

If you’re Jewish this is a particularly important time of year.  We just celebrated Rosh Hashanah – the New Year – and now are in the ten days between the New Year and the Day of Atonement – Yom Kippur – the holiest day — the day of repentance.  It’s interesting to have an opportunity once a year to examine one’s life and seek improvement.  Where I grew up most people were Catholic and so I know a bit about Confession in those terms, but what we do is a bit different.  We must seek forgiveness from those we have harmed – and take responsibility for our sins.  It is our duty to give extra charity and to fast and to seek a better self beyond the confession of past transgressions.  If you take it seriously it’s a valuable exercise. 

I have been fascinated in my now three year adventure with a more religious lifestyle – to notice the similarities between Judaism and 12 Step programs.  I’m involved with Al-Anon – for people affected by the alcoholism of other – but here are some of the 12 Steps from AA – they are remarkably similar to redemption within faith:

4.   Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.   Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.   Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.   Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.   Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.   Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.  Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.  Sought through prayer and meditation  to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

I guess it makes sense – there’s a reason AA works and it’s probably got a lot to do with the same phenomena that enable us to find true penance on Yom Kippur or the other rituals of penance in other faiths.

Anyhow, it’s a beautiful fall day, I’m working on my penance and the privilege of a new year – and wish you all the pleasure of the autumn sunshine and a peaceful heart.

BILL CLINTON AND FOX

I missed the Fox interview.  It was the second day of Rosh Hashana and I was at services.  What a day to miss the Sunday talk shows!  If you haven’t seen or read the encounter between Chris Wallace and Bill Clinton, you can read and watch it all here on AlterNet.  Wallace asked the former President about terrorism and he really let him have it.  It’s tough to watch because in some ways he seems to go over the top but it also was a great relief to hear him – if you have fond memories of those years — finally answer the criticism aimed at him.  I have always been frustrated by the Orwellian skills of the right in dealing with the redefinition of reality.  Whether you agree with them or whether you don’t — the language that they use often serves their issues more than it serves the truth. 

If it’s something that interests you — take a look at these pieces about it.

USAToday Blog conversation

The  Washington Post’s Howard Kurtz

The Center for American Progress

Some analysis of media appearances of Bush administration re terror

What did you think?

Sorkin and Sunshine (that ought to get your attention!)

Earned myself a media feast yesterday.  I’d been waiting for weeks for my husband to go with me to see Little Miss Sunshine and he finally admitted that despite rave reviews from both of our sons he just didn’t want to go.  So while he was at class last night I went.  By myself.  And had popcorn for dinner.  Which of course added to the pleasure.  But this film didn’t need any help.  One of our friends told me she was laughing and crying at the same time; NOT laughing THEN crying and not crying from laughter but feeling both emotions at once.  Boy do I get that.

If you live in a family you will love this film.  If you’ve had someone you love drive you nuts with a crazy dream you’ll love it.  AND if you know that, underneath, most families really do love each other and, when it’s really important – actually come through for each other – well – give it a try.  In addition to a lovely story and script it’s so well-acted and directed that it’s effortless.  How a couple of music video directors developed such calm, steady use of a camera I’ll never know.  At the AFI theater, where I saw the film, the two of them offered an on-camera intro.  They’re real grown-ups and pretty no-nonsense and that’s probably part of it. 

BUT that’s far from the end of this happy day — last night got even better.  If you did not see the debut of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip or get a preview DVD from NetFlix find find find someone who TiVo’d it and watch.  Or go here and watch the premiere from the same link.  This is going to be AT LEAST as good as the West Wing.  Really.  The characters are great, the writing is wonderful and the stories don’t go where you think they will.  Whitford and Perry are just lovely, Amanda Peet very cool, ( and don’t we love seeing a woman network president?  Yup, we do)  and Timothy Busfield still playing a sweetheart. Then there’s Steven Weber playing a bad guy.  How cool is that?  From Wings to villainy?

Anyway it was a great night for popular culture and a real brain-feeder.  Try for both.  You’ll be glad.