These aren't super-gorgeous spring photos, but they're from my walk today and the first bloomish things I've seen. The top one is of flowers popping up in the grass patch between the sidewalk and the street; the second is the first little guys blooming on a shrub of ours that I thought was dead. Welcome to the heady days of spring. It's time.
Blogging Boomers Carnival #107! At Least as Good as It Usually Is
Yup – this week my friend Janet Wendy Spiegel is hosting the carnival. As usual, it's rich with content, including Facebook, bad hair days, Twitter, fashion, antique lighters and retirement envy. Don't miss it!
Another Landmark in Jewish Life, Another Lesson Learned
When I first got involved in observant Judaism, I was appalled at a lot of what I saw. Without any background or knowledge I was ready to condemn rules from keeping kosher to circumcision to the bedecken in a marriage ceremony to Jewish education.
I’ve changed my mind about many things (though not all) but more important than any single issue is the larger lesson of this lengthy and complicated transition: you can’t judge anything until you really understand it. It’s so easy to laugh off a traditional life, modest clothing, 613 commandments (and I still struggle with many of them and remain, I know, ignorant of many others.) But as each rule and ritual is placed into context, its importance emerges, if you let it. Not for everything, certainly, but for more of this somewhat exotic existence than I ever expected.
Last night I went with friends to celebrate their son’s receipt of his first siddur – prayerbook. It is a remarkable event. In advance, parents come to school and decorate the books’ cover; the kids wear crowns with prayers on top, there’s a long performance full of the child’s version of many of the traditions and they dance and sing and tell us what they will contribute to the future. Parents and siblings and sleeping infants and grandparents are gathered to watch, in a balloon-decorated room with cupcakes and apple juice waiting in the back.
Of course, all this is a kind of indoctrination. But what I’ve realized is that I think any child rearing of merit imparts values as this ceremony does. In this case, the gift of prayer is celebrated, and being old enough to become, at least a bit, master of one’s own prayers is pretty cosmic. Most Orthodox ceremonies I’ve been part of celebrate this gift and the journey of our emerging relationships with God, each in our own way.
But as I remember taking my kids to marches, and boycotting Nestle, and raising them on Pete Seeger and the Weavers and politics all the time, well – that was a form of indoctrination too. And we were determined that they would receive the values that we thought most important, and be raised with a keen sense of right and wrong in political as well as personal terms. Now, of course, they’ve modified all that to suit themselves, as they should. But they had a set of values to push up against, as their father used to say. Instead of prayers, the signs in their school said “Each one, teach one” and every kid had a task to contribute to the community. Not so different, just not Godly.
I know that we are a secular nation, and that many American Jews live highly secular lives. I did too. But somehow, we found our way here. Tonight I’ll light Sabbath Candles and feel the quiet peace that comes with them. And I’ll be grateful not only for that but for the grace and love of the parents who invited me to share in their son’s celebration, and who have so often provoked me to think harder and struggle more to understand this life I’ve chosen. And have taught both of us so much. Believe me, I’m at least as surprised as you are by my reactions, but as long as that continues, I know I’m keeping faith with the name of this blog, along with the larger faith I seek.
Shabbat Shalom.
No Good News
I keep telling myself that nobody's sick and nobody's dead. But I am completely afflicted by Economy Angst. I don't want to be. I want to be positive and hopeful but damn! I keep telling myself to turn off Morning Joe before they go the European/Asian markets report and watch Angel on TNT instead. Pretty pitiful.
Anyway, I'll be back with a real post soon.
Oh and this photo has nothing to do with anything. It's a peaceful beach on the Jersey Shore and nicer to look at than the headlines.
Read Across America, Dr. Seuss, and Snow Days
This photo is on my friend Leticia's wonderful blog Tech Savvy Mama. Why? Today is the birthday of the wonderful Theodor Seuss Geisel , known to all of us as Dr. Seuss. For twelve years now, the week of Dr. Seuss's birthday ( he was born in 1904) has been "Read Across America" week, which uses Geisel's beloved books to encourage reading and a love of books.
Leticia has a wonderful set of resources for activities, books, games and teacher support for any who want to make the most of this very smart holiday. Everyone from the National Education Association, which initiated the effort, to Reading Rockets to You Tube boasts special features. Leticia even has a link to free digital book downloads!
So for heaven's sake, send every kid you know a Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss email or call them and sing happy birthday with them. Even better, hit Tech Savvy Mama and use some of the dozens of great ideas to share some quality time with them.
Oh, and, in case you forgot, here's a list of the amazing works of this remarkable man, from the Seussville website:
How the Grinch Stole Christmas Anniversary Edition
The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins I remember this one from when I was, literally, a little girl.
And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street
Bartholomew and the Oobleck Loved this one too.
The Cat in the Hat Mischief personified.
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?
Green Eggs and Ham Great baby present for kids named Sam, except they get so many of them!
Horton Hatches the Egg My second most favorite. "An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent."
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
I Am Not Going to Get Up Today!
The Lorax My MOST favorite (and my kids loved it) "I am the Lorax I speak for the trees."
Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
The Sneetches and Other Stories
Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose
Would You Rather Be a Bullfrog?
Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories Anniversary Edition
The Cat in the Hat Beginner Book Dictionary
Happy birthday, Dr. Seuss. And happy Read Across America Week to all the rest of us.
Blogging Boomers Carnival #106 and Still Full of Great New Ideas
Can a week have gone by already? Must have – Blogging Boomers carnival is back on this snowy Monday, hanging out this week at Wesley Hein's LifeTwo. True Love to 401Ks, innovation to blue jean fashion, Boomer women and Twitter – it's a wide swath of life covered this week. But then, that's always true at the Blogging Boomers, so don't miss it.
Attachment Parents, Anxious Parents, Sanctimommies and Skinned Knees
This morning I helped to produce a conference on parenting and "over" parenting. It was designed to help anxious young parents who are often under pressure to be "better" and more attentive than their peers. They feed on each other and worry all the time, and in cases beyond my community (I don't see it here) they compete, sometimes with cruelty, to see who's the best.
If you're a "mommy blog" reader you'll see it all the time. One of my favorites is Liz Gumbinner, proprietor of Mom-101. She has a gentle, loving, yet often hilarious and almost always moving take on life as a parent. She also has a keen-eyed abhorrance for what she calls " Sanctimommies." She writes about them often, and their thoughtless comments and judgments. No matter how much we detest what they do, which is more often judgmental than well-meaning, they can get to us. They plant scary, painful doubts, especially when we are vulnerable.
I remember this torment so well. You don't want your child to feel bad. You don't want her to fall off the monkey bars. You certainly don't want him to be sad because he lost a T-Ball game and didn't get a medal or got a lower grade than the kid who sits next to him and didn't get a sticker on his paper. It's terrible. I think what's worse though is over-compensating to preserve delicate feelings.
And that's what much of this conference was aimed at. Speakers told parents that kids needed some autonomy, needed their own territory. That protecting them prevented them from learning how to solve problems and bounce back from the adversity that is part of life. They also made an interesting point that I think is controversial but tough to contradict. YES, moms and dads are both important, but dads have a different role. And mothers too often, in their frequent role as gatekeepers between the kids and daddy, set standards that are too squishy, not allowing the dads to find their own way to deal with their children.
This does not mean there is no overlap – nurturing dad and outward-facing mom. But both perspectives – female and male, have value. Many times as our kids grew up, my husband and I stopped one another from going too far in one way or the other. I wanted to send money to bail them out of a jam. My husband would remind me that if we ran to the rescue we were telling them that we didn't think they could take care of themselves. "If they really need help", he'd say, "they'll ask for it."
Other times he'd go nuclear in the punishment department or refuse permission for something perfectly acceptable because he didn't think first. That was my cue to step in and moderate things. I often thought sadly of friends raising kids alone, without this valuable balance.
I guess this is just a meditation on parenting in the 21st Century. It's painful to see wonderful parents whose instincts are sound and who love their kids get tangled up in these issues, and it was wonderful to watch the dialog today and the passions in the conversations that continued over lunch and will go forward in several after-sessions. In fact, it was very Web 2.0. The speakers may have set things off, but now they're working with one another, strengthening not only their families but also the community around them.
Behind Every Stimulus Package Are People Who Need Help
I spent part of Thursday sitting in Starbucks on the GW (George Washington University) campus after a meeting, loving being around all these students buzzing and working and laughing. I loved college; could feel my head growing. It's an amazing time in a young person's life and one that forms much of who we are later. Now, though, the carefree collegian is a thing of the past. Everyone has jobs and student loans. Instead of leaving school with a "sky's the limit" ambition, many must look first for the job that will help them pay off their loans, and only then for the one they'll really love.
Here are some stories:
- When my husband graduated from medical school we had under $4,000 in loans to pay off.
- One of my son's friends left undergraduate school with over $100,000 in debt
- A wonderful friend who is a born teacher went to law school and then to a firm. I asked her why. She told me she would only be able to consider teaching once her loans were paid off – and they were enormous.
- As I've written before, both of my parents were formed by the Depression. Each hoped for a career they were never able to pursue; instead they took the subject-related scholarships they were offered and were grateful to have them. A would-be artist became a teacher; an architect a lawyer. Neither complained overtly about this; I learned these facts in passing and both were quick to add how glad they were to have been able to go to college at all.
- My sisters and I were blessed to have college paid for; we were told that our education was our inheritance and not to look for much more, which was fine with us. But most families just can't do that anymore. It's too expensive.
- Many political observers posit that there would have been no anti-war movement in the 60's if college students had had to work while in school. Most of us had our tuitions taken care of; that meant that we had time to organize and raise hell.
- I remember a good friend, at dinner, saying to me bitterly, "Jim and I never had time for that stuff. We were both working to get through school. You guys were so righteous but you had no idea what we were doing just to be able to stay through the semester."
- I told a recent college graduate how impressed I was with what he'd accomplished. His response: " didn't do anything. Colin slept in his van for a semester because he couldn't pay both tuition and rent. Be impressed with him!"
So. This is kind of a random list but when we're arguing over stimulus packages, we need to remember the people behind them. Like these.
Hey Oscar? You Have Some Explaining to Do!
SWhen I was a kid on Oscar night, my parents made me go to bed way before the show was over, but my dad always kept a winners list for me on a shirt cardboard so I wouldn't miss anything. It seemed so important then. Without the entertainment shows like ET and Access Hollywood, the unedited Oscar acceptance speeches were one of the few times we got to see celebrities revealed. It was thrilling.
Of course, the mystique – and the Oscar TV audiences — have eroded since then. It will be interesting to see if tonights "new" Oscars – which do look better and at least are doing things with a little more wit and humor – make a difference. I'm watching as I write this – amazed that Jessica Biel, the wayward daughter from the sentimental but sweet Seventh Heaven, got to present alone – even if it was the tech awards. Who would have predicted that?
I think I'm out of touch, or I've gotten crotchety in my old age. Why? First of all, though I'm a real, loyal Woody Allen fan, I did NOT like Vicky Christina Barcelona. . Penelope Cruz was fine, but not the best. It's so sad when two nominees (like those in Doubt) are set against one another and split the vote. I'm assuming that's how Cruz won. The two women from Doubt - – Amy Adams and and Viola Davis - especially Davis, were just astonishing. Their bad luck to be opposite one another in the same category.
Meanwhile, I'm struggling to figure out how to talk about the presenters in the "best supporting"category. Goldie Hawn, whom I've always loved, just made me sad. We're nearly the same age, and she certainly looks better than I do. BUT tonight she looked so over surgeried, overstuffed into her dress, over everything. It was like she had been blown up with a bicycle pump – all swollen. BUT tonight she looked so over surgeried, overstuffed into her dress, over everything. It was like she had been blown up with a bicycle pump – all swollen. The toughest thing of all, though, is how many of this year's most honored movies were movies I really didn't like.
I've written before about Slumdog. I probably should have known I wouldn't love it; I wanted to see it too much. It's sweet and explores the poverty and misery in India, but it just didn't do it for me. Too neat, too pat, And, to me, terribly manipulative. As I said, Vicky Christina Barcelona was disappointing too, shallow and silly. I'm also ornery about the show itself. I actually loved the musical numbers- long or not, even though everybody on Twitter was complaining about them. Probably showing my age.
Anyway, the show was way too long but I'm not sure what I would have cut. I loved the five veterans honoring the nominees too. Beyond that I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that at least now I don't have to wait until I wake up in the morning and get the Oscar results from a shirt cardboard on the kitchen table.
The Blogging Boomers Carnival (#105) Lands Here Once Again
It’s Carnival time again; the Blogging Boomers have landed here at Don’t Gel Too Soon, and they have plenty to offer. From Hole in the Donut, a story of how small the world really is – her blog helped a man discover his lost family roots when she published a present day photo of a storefront in Matten, Switzerland that had belonged to his grandfather. He was able to match it to a historical photo that ultimately led him to records that confirmed his ancestry.
Meanwhile, Rhea Becker tell us that she’s always dreamed of opening a restaurant. Would her Amish-concept restaurant survive in Boston? Learn more at The Boomer Chronicles.
Is it possible to go through menopause “naturally”? asks Wendy Lawson, who put that question to a well-respected herbalist and integrative medicine physician, and shares her advice at Menopause The Blog.
On another topic, were you part of the Oscar audience? Over at Fabulous After 40, they ask the question…How do the over 40 celebrities get to looking so sleek and perfect on the red carpet?
We all know that I Remember JFK comes up with some great memories. This time it’s a Buffalo Nickel, in typical 1960’s condition, that he found as a kid. As he puts it: “It wasn’t often that a kid of the 60’s had change in his pocket. At least it wasn’t often that I did. Come to think of it, I’m short of cash right now. Some things never change.
But go back to 1967, and if a fortunate youngster found himself with a chunk of change in his pocket, the odds were pretty favorable that among the coinage was a Buffalo Nickel or two.
And while we’re looking back — we all do it, but it’s got a bad name with most mental health professionals. That might be changing though. What are we talking about at LifeTwo? Nostalgia.
Here’s a nice simple one on Boomer life from the Midlife Crisis Queen: Behaviors to avoid when midlife crisis strikes!
In another take on life, Dina at This Marriage Thing says: Single? Here’s a bit of advice on choosing the purrfect mate..
After reading a magazine article about young entrepreneurs where only 3 of 16 were women, Andrea Stenberg wonders Are Young Women Less Likely to Be Entrepreneurs?
On the political side (sort of:) Feeling a bit Obamar-ific, Janet Wendy at Gen Plus, brings you some new online goodies from the White House
Add some technology to your politics: Barack Obama does it. So do William Shatner, Richard Branson and John Cleese… What is it? Twittering.
Tweating. Microblogging… If you want to get in on the act, head over to Contemporary Retirement.