Avenue Q, in London! How Did We Miss It Before?

It’s more than a little crazy to come all the way to London, see an American musical – and find it so familiar, so real and well-observed, witty, loving and even joyous, that you wonder how it is possible that you hadn’t’ seen it before.  The play is Avenue Q, and for most people it will be a “yeah, and???” because it won so many Tonys, including Best Musical, Best Book, Best Direction of a musical, Best Performance by a leading actor in a musical, and Best Performace by a leading actress in a musical, and because everyone has written about it for years.  Hah! And Cindy thinks she made some great discovery!

In fact, I do think I’ve made a great discovery – that it’s still possible that an entire theater full of people from dozens of countries (just seated directly around us were India, New Zealand, Australia and France) can respond to something without helicopters or wild moving sets or TV/film stars in the cast  — something so completely human (well, if you count the puppets who are in fact among the “most” human) that it inspired and moved us all.  That all this can be accomplished with warmth and — I know this sounds corny — a real affection for what makes us human, for the power of laughter and of songs.  Both of us feel that we had a perfect evening, one that inspires gratitude, even.  Here’s a little of it for you, in case you missed it too.(From the Tony’s)

Sarah Palin and the Resignation: Some Posts You May Have Missed

Palin leaves I don’t know about your universe, but all the listservs I read have been crammed with Sarah Palin discussions ever since The Resignation.  I went looking, therefore, for some not-so-usual blog posts, beyond the conventional wisdom.  There are lots of great comments and ideas. Among them:

My biggest hope is that the very strange tale of Sarah Palin doesn’t
dissuade other mothers of small children from running for office.
There’s something to be said for having that perspective in state
houses, governor’s offices and in Washington, D.C. I hope the strange
path that Sarah Palin seems to be on doesn’t keep other moms away from
the political world.   Punditmom

It’s hard to know what more to make of this until we get a much better
explanation, but the view from here is that you won’t have Sarah Palin
to kick around anymore.  Her Presidential prospects are done, and it’s
hard to see how Republicans will still consider her a potential leader
of the movement.  The Next Right

A few words about Sarah Palin: She is one of the most fascinating women
I have ever met. She crackles with energy like a live electrical wire
and on first meeting gets about three inches from your face. Her
instant subliminal message is: “I don’t know you very well, but I’m
very clear about who I am.” She reeks of moxie and self confidence. And
she’s fearless.  Mark McKinnon

What is going on right now in the Republican Party—even as the
professionals scramble to react with grins and snorts to the news of
Palin’s Alaska resignation—are the early scenes of the 2012 campaign
for the presidency with Sarah Palin as the once and future hero. Like
Joan of Arc,  Catherine the Great,  Elizabeth Regina, and, skipping
four centuries of quarrelsome princes,  Margaret Thatcher, the
Republican Party has already decided that the governor of Alaska will
rescue the GOP from its ruination. What Sarah Palin begins with an
announcement from Wasilla is not only a campaign, it is an Iditarod of
a crusade—first woman, first mom, and second moose-hunter into the
White House.  The Daily Beast

Beyond the basic publicity blunders Palin made (e.g., her spokesperson
was on vacation in New York while the announcement was delivered in
Alaska), the governor’s departing speech was rife with errors of
judgment. Every quitter, famous or not, can learn from her mistakes,
particularly if you’re resigning from a position of leadership.  Harvard Business Blog

As quoted in Disability News,
Palin wished that “folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL could
learn so much from someone like Trig — I know he needs me, but I need
him even more… what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT – that
time is precious… the world needs more ‘Trigs’, not fewer.” That
apparently struck Erik Sean Nelson, described on his Huffington Post
page as a “fiction author and comedy writer,” as hilarious, and he
responded with a post titled, “Palin Will Run in ’12 on More
Retardation Platform”. . .(this one is really quite shocking)  Terri’s Special Children Blog

THIS IS MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:  “I think Sarah Palin is on the verge of becoming the Miami Vice of
American politics: Something a lot of people once thought was cool and
then 20 years later look back, shake their heads and just kind of
laugh,” quipped Republican media consultant Todd Harris.   Politico

But Sarah Palin didn’t quit. Her family was held hostage until she agreed to give her captures (sic) what they wanted – the ransom was her career.  Isn’t it a shame that a popular governor of Alaska with a terrific
future of contribution to her state, had to give it all up because she
made the fatal error of accepting the Republican VP nomination. Too bad
a public servant has been slaughtered. Too bad she wasn’t giving a fair
fight based on her principles. Too bad for women everywhere who have
considered a role in politics. I hope Sarah Palin travels the country
and speaks to all the folks who like her message and makes oodles of
money doing it. She’s earned it.   Help4NewMOms

We’re not very interested in bashing Palin; Todd Purdum took care of that
for all of us. But she deserves some credit: no matter how much luck is
involved, you don’t move from small-town politico to national newsmaker
in three years without at least knowing what you want. And Sarah
Palin’s resignation makes her goal abundantly clear: she will never
again have a chance to make this much money in this short a time, and
she’s going to take advantage.  The Stimulist

Finally, take a look at this: three bloggers including my good friend Jill Zimon talking about soon-to-be-ex-Gov. Palin and the impact of her withdrawal from state government.

Robert S. McNamara: Did His Atonement Suffice or Did He Just Outlive Our Anger?

Robert_McNamara

It's hard to understand the role of Robert McNamara and feelings toward him, particularly during the Johnson Administration, but if you think "Dick Cheney during the Bush years" and multiply, you'll come closest.  McNamara, who died today, was one of the great villains of my 20's and 30's.  Secretary of Defense, a major architect of the Vietnam War and defender of the ideas behind it, he supported both Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson in their attempts to "save democracy" there.   He entered the new Kennedy Administration in a blaze of glory just five weeks after being named, and then resigning as, president of the Ford Motor Company.   A supremely successful and confident executive (who opposed production of the much-reviled Edsel), he seemed a creative and promising choice.

What he became was a symbol of all that seemed wrong with American foreign policy, especially in Vietnam,(including the "domino theory" claiming that if Vietnam "fell" other nations in the region would fall as well) and one of the subjects of the landmark book about this foreign policy team, David Halberstam's The Best and the Brightest. In addition to the vast, deep anger at the direction of the war and the philosophy that defined it, McNamara and all he represented reminded us daily of what we saw as both the arrogance of the US decision to enter and remain part of the war in Vietnam and our conviction that we were being manipulated, spied upon and lied to.

Paul Hendrickson's The Living and the Dead best described McNamara's impact by visiting the stories of five people affected by the war.  Here's an excerpt from the first part of the book; it looks long,  but you'll be glad you've read it:

In the Winter of 1955

His
wife wasn't drinking milk with her Scotch in the hope her stomach might
hurt a little less – not then. A man bearing a child hadn't set himself
on fire below his Pentagon window – not yet. A wigged-out woman hadn't
stolen up behind his seat in an outdoor cafe in the Kodak winter sun of
Aspen to begin shrieking there was blood on his hands. (He was applying
ketchup to his hamburger.) A Viet Cong agent – his name was Nguyen Van
Troi — hadn't been found stringing fuses beneath a Saigon bridge he
was due to pass over. Odd metaphors and strange turns of phrase weren't
seeping from him like moons of dark ink. His pressed white shirts
weren't hanging loose at his neck. He wasn't reading Homer late at
night in an effort to compose himself. His dyslexic and ulcerated son
hadn't been shown in a national newsmagazine with his ropes of long
hair and kindly face reading aloud a list of war dead at the San
Francisco airport. Reputed members of an organization called the
Symbionese Liberation Army didn't have stored in a Berkeley garage some
crudely drawn but surprisingly detailed descriptions of the interior
and exterior of his resort home in Snowmass, along with thumb-nail
sketches of members of his family. (WIFE: name unknown to me. She is
small, not outstanding in appearance & probably not aggressive. .
.") He hadn't stood in the Pentagon briefing room in front of his
graphs and bar-charts to say with perfect seriousness, "So it is
fifteen percent of ten percent of thirteen-thirtieths that have been in
dispute here. . ." He hadn't stood on the tarmac at Andrews, at the
rollaway steps of his blue-tailed C-135, before winging to a high-level
CINCPAC meeting in Honolulu, and told another tangle of lies into a
tangle of microphones, made more artfully disingenuous statements to
the press boys, this time about the kind of forces – which is to say,
combat forces – soon to be shipped to the secretly escalated war. ("No,
uh, principally logistical support — arms, munitions, training,
assistance.") He hadn't hunched forward in his field fatigues at a news
conference in Saigon and said, as though trying to hug himself, and
with only the slightest belying stammers, "The military operations have
progressed very satisfactorily during the past year. The rate of
progress has exceeded our expectations. The pressure on the Viet Cong,
measured in terms of the casualties they have suffered, the destruction
of their units, the measurable effect on their morale, have all been
greater than we anticipated" — when, in fact, the nations chrome-hard
secretary of defense had already given up believing, in private, a long
while ago, that the thing was winnable in any military sense. The
president of the United States hadn't called him up to yell, "How can I
hit them in the nuts, Bob? Tell me how I can hit them in the nuts!" —
the them being little men in black pajamas in a skinny curve of an
unfathomable country 10,000 miles distant. He hadn't yet gone to this
same president and told him he was afraid of breaking down. The
expressions "body count" and "kill ratio" and "pacification" and
"incursion" hadn't come into the language in the way snow — to use
Orwell's image — falls on an obscene landscape. The casualty figures
of U.S. dead and missing and wounded hadn't spumed, like crimson
geysers, past the once unthinkable 100,000 mark. Nor had this man risen
at a luncheon in Dean Rusk's private dining room at the state
department (it happened on February 27, 1968, forty-eight hours before
he left office) and, without warning, begun coming apart before Rusk
and dark Clifford and Bill Bundy and Walt Rostow and Joe Califano and
Harry McPherson, telling them between stifled sobs, between what
sounded like small asphyxiating noises, between the bitter rivers of
his cursing, that the goddamned Air Force, they're dropping tonnage on
Vietnam at a higher rate than we dropped on Germany in the last part of
World War II, we've practically leveled the place, and what's it done,
nothing, a goddamned nothing, and Christ here's Westmoreland asking for
another 205,000 troops, ifs madness, can't anybody see, this thing has
to be gotten hold of, it's out of control I tell you. . .

No.

None of this.

Not yet.

It all lay waiting in the decades up ahead.

Pretty amazing, huh? Those are just a few of the moments that informed McNamara's War years, and mine. And the engendered the rage, the hateful things yelled at marches, the weeping, the tear gas, the chaos and the fear. And McNamara knew it. He spent much of the rest of his life trying to atone for those years, first by leading the World Bank in its sunnier years and urging America and the world to help the starving and the lost. At least once, he broke down at a major appearance as he described the world misery the Bank sought to abate. Later, he collaborated on a book, Argument Without End, that struggled to understand and, some claim, apologize for, the war. 

As many of the obits noted, especially that on TIME's website, ("Robert McNamara dies, no escape from Vietnam") for many, next to LBJ, McNamara was the war.  And as Hendrickson's book noted, he haunted those directly affected by the war even more than the rest of us. 

Somehow though, it's difficult to retain rage as ideas soften and history teaches us more about times we lived when we were young.  I remember that when Nixon died a friend called to talk about it.  I wasn't home, and she said to my son "What really makes me mad is that I think he outlived our anger."  I'm still trying to figure out if that's how I – we – will feel about this death.  McNamara certainly tried to both understand and to atone for Vietnam but the damage of that war, up until today, remains.  As I've written before, since Vietnam, every national campaign including the last one, and, you can be sure, any one that Sarah Palin runs in the future, is informed by – colored by – sometimes defined by – what happened then.  President Obama has certainly blunted the culture wars, generational change will absolutely change many issues, especially related to gender rights, but I wonder…  When the right gets mad – gets desperate – they can easily reignite the culture wars that were the bi-product of the Vietnam era.  And Robert McNamara is responsible for those, too.

I don't know.  Really, I don't.  But I'm ending with this Charlie Rose interview with McNamara from 1995.  Take a look.  There's more of the whole man here.  The question is now much he deserves, after what the Defense Secretary in him did, to expect us to think about all the rest.

Sons Really Do Get Married, and Their Parents Really Do Love It, (and Nobody Cried)

Our new family 1

There we are, our sweet sweet family with it's newly married eldest and his lovely brand-new wife.   It's an out-of-body experience to watch your son get married, and this was a wonderful one.  I'd been very nervous:  would it go well after the two of them had worked so hard on every detail, would they have fun, would we cry, would I look ok (well, after all, those photos last forever.)

It all did go well.  The groom (in the middle) was so joyous and ready, his speech so sure and calm; his wife so lovely and pleased, his brother (on the right)offering the loveliest, funniest, just-rightest toast ever.  There were only 80 of us so over the weekend we became a kind of tribe, tables shifting as people moved around enjoying the event, and one another. 

It was a great joy to me to see how much the boys feel for each other.  I have, today, two of my dearest wishes: that my children be good friends and that each son find a partner who is wonderful, honorable and loving.  So far so good.

I'd been thinking for months about the power of time, of change.  One of my friends commented on my Facebook page that "I remember when Josh was xeroxing his little hands in the office!" I do too.  And I thought I'd be consumed by those kinds of thoughts.  But this just felt right, timely and good for everyone.  No nostalgia, not "where are you going my little one, little one"  "sunrise, sunset" thoughts at all.  Just gratitude at the happiness and love that surrounded the bride, the groom and the rest of us.  May it always be so.

Womanomics Hits Home – Punditmom’s Home, That Is

Shipman Kay I had the privilege this morning of attending a book party at the home of the one and only Punditmom, whose talents are exceeded only by her very lovely self. 

The event had real star power:  BBC's Katty Kay and ABC's Claire Shipman, both solid, unpretentious, smart, thoughtful women – and moms – and, oh yeah, network news stars.  Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably know that they've written a book called Womanomics, whose basic thesis is that it makes economic and corporate governance sense for the needs of women workers to be accommodated by their employers.  In fact, if their book is right, and there is no reason to doubt it, there is a real revolution afoot.

For someone my age, it's thrilling to hear employment issues discussed with assumptions we could never have made.  Asking for schedule adjustments, work/family life balance, was out of the question.  We were just fighting for equal pay and a few weeks off when we had our babies.   The argument these two women make, that businesses are learning that women in their workforce in great numbers, and at all levels, is of great value to their bottom line.  They line up to hear the two speak; join conference calls by the dozens to be briefed and basically finally get the power and capacity of "more than half the talent, not just more than half the population."  Interesting, accessible and funny, great believers in their mission, they were a pleasure to meet and listen to.  I can't wait to read the book.

OH and I'll post about The Wedding soon.

Days Before a Son Marries; Mothers-in-Law Get Jittery Too

DSC00800

These two sweeties will be married on Sunday.  One of them is my son.  My first born.  My baby.  I don’t know why I’ve been so reluctant to write about it; it’s a beautiful relationship and a joyous moment in all of our lives. But I have been silent, or almost so, about it for some time.  Can’t seem to let myself write.  My sweet friend Karin Lippert, noting my cryptic tweet, wrote:

Congratulations… mixed emotions are the new normal, the new black? No, we have all always had overwhelming,wonderful emotions about our kids…

She’s right, I guess.  The mix isn’t between wishing well and not so well, it’s between joy and respect for the place these two have found together in the world, and my profound sense of time passing, and of change.  I’ll keep you posed when I can.

You’re Doing What? Trains, Planes and Automobiles (and Us)

MAP-SM_southwestchief
It's pouring in Chicago.  We arrived early this morning at the end of Phase One of our Great Adventure.  So you don't feel uninformed, here's the story:

  1. Our son is getting married next Sunday in San Francisco.
  2. My husband has a (we hope recently repaired) detached retina and can't fly until we know the repair worked.
  3. If we had waited until we were sure the surgery was successful, it would have been too late to drive if we had had to. 
  4. We are already fairly broke from tuition and the slow economy so why not spend even more money and take the train? 
  5. (really 4b) it turns out that the train is very expensive. 
  6. We don't have a choice so why fret about 4a? 
  7. There were no seats on the train until Chicago. 
  8. I drove 700 miles yesterday to get us from DC to Chicago to get on the train (retina detachment makes it hard to split the driving.)
  9. Our family doesn't know we took the train because the groom was worried about his dad's eye so our early arrival will be stealthy. (don''t tell)
  10. At least all this is distracting me from the sentimental squishiness that keeps sneaking up on me. 
  11.   You are now ready to return to the present where 

Rick and I are in the Metropolitan Lounge at Union Station in Chicago waiting for the Southwest Chief.  You can see the route above.  Actually I'm more excited than annoyed – it is something we would have never done if we didn't need to.  I can't picture the accommodations – I'm betting on a cross between all those black and white thrillers where people were always chasing each other up and down the aisles and flirting in the bed-sitting rooms and who knows what.  We'll see.  Meanwhile we're in the lounge with about a billion people on an "America by Train" group, with some smoker's coughs, name tags for all, and a pretty friendly environment.  I'm too tired to be friendly though.  Unusual for me.

I will try to post this afternoon but they don't have wireless on the train (WHAAAAT????) and I'm having trouble pairing my blackberry so it's a bit sketchy.  If I can't post I'll keep a diary and post it when I can.   Wish us luck.

Sunrise, Sunset: an Amazing Day of Jewish Rituals

Images We all feel gratitude for the beautiful moments in our lives.  In the observant Jewish life we live now those moments are often built around life-cycle events, usually moving and sometimes profound.  Last week, we had a Sunday that brought the entire thing into broad relief.  It's taken me a week to think it through and write about it though.  It was just so huge.

We began early, at a bris.  That's the moment of circumcision, welcoming a Jewish boy into the covenant with God on the 8th day of his life.  This one was held at the parents' home, full of their friends and those of the grandparents.  The mother's mom and dad are good friends of ours, kind, generous, no nonsense people, a librarian and a doctor.  Like any mom, she was helping her daughter.  Like any mom, she was greeting guests with hugs and personal welcomes.  Like any mom, she was dashing from counter to table with salads, platters of food, drinks, desserts.  Unlike most moms though, she did it all with a "crew cut".  In the midst of chemotherapy for breast cancer, she's decided there was no sense in "wearing something silly" to cover her hair loss, so she didn't.  Watching her hold her new grandson, both of them reminding us of the value of life at its most basic, was amazing.  You can imagine how it felt to be part of this – new life, fighting for life, affirming life – all in one family in one day.   It was quite a thing.

Blown away, we set off for our second destination, far less nuanced and very sad. A young friend with a toddler, expecting her second child very soon, had lost her mother to cancer.  The funeral, filled with other young parents with infants in their arms, was sad as they always are, laden with the grief felt by both this daughter and her husband.  Her parents had long been divorced, her ailing father lives with them, and for her last months, her mother had as well.  It's a huge thing to be that responsible for each parent singly and still live with one's responsibilities for spouse and children.  This couple took the responsibilities on gracefully and willingly.  

It was heartbreaking to hear the impassioned tribute this young woman gave to her mother, to understand the depth of her loss.   Jewish funerals are immediate, simple and highly symbolic: the 91st Psalm recited as the procession stops seven times on the way to the grave to symbolize the reluctance to bid farewell, internment in a simple pine box, all attendees contributing to covering the coffin until the grave is full, shovel by shovel, to support the lost and the mourners.   I've always said that the way Jews deal with death is one of my favorite of its many beautiful attributes; it seems to add symbolism to the grief and meaning to the death.  

Deeply depleted, as if a gray cloud had descended on our day, we returned to the car and moved on.  We were late, but able to arrive midway through our next engagement – a wedding.  As you can imagine, it was tough to rally but we did our best.  The bride and groom are a lovely (and very tall!) young couple, with a combined sweetness and wry sense of humor that endeared them to everyone.  So we were honored to be there.  It reminds, too, that life is indeed a circle, as corny as that sounds, filled both with sadness and joy.

We ended this amazing Sunday with a kind of interim ritual – between the beginning of life and the rituals of adulthood: a bar mitzvah party.  The young man celebrating his Saturday Torah reading and entry into Jewish adulthood is a remarkable kid, and the joys of this celebration were compounded by the special nature of this boy and his family – all hugely active in the community – fun, scholarly and kind.  They were the first people we met when we moved to this aging community that has since grown into a thriving, intergenerational congregation.   Newly arrived from Boston, they had chosen it because it needed new members to replace those who had moved away or died.  When we got here, the "bar mitzvah boy" was a little kid.  Now he's a poised young man with legions of friends from age two (really) to 82.  We all consider them a gift.  It was wonderful to celebrate with them.

So that was our day: a journey through Jewish tradition, commemoration of joy and grief, birth and loss, life and death — and a reminder of what an amazing journey we all – Jewish or otherwise, travel together.

Sonia Sotomayor – Sharing the Obama, and the American, Story

It was striking to listen to the President and Sonia Sotomayor today.  Listen to her story, and think of his.  The parallels are striking.  Early "modest circumstances", early loss of a father, strong women supporting them (for Obama his mother intellectually and his grandmother in other ways, for Sotomayor her mom), and the power of – the huge, profound belief in — the power of education to change a life.  It is becoming a mantra of this administration – the President's speeches and appearances with young people, certainly those of Michelle, and, we see today, of his choice for Supreme Court nominee.  I was liveblogging with Kim Pearson at BlogHer and wrote that I believe Obama is "retuning the American sensibility." By "retuning" I mean returning us, like a tuner with a piano, back to the standards that  sustained us for so long.

My father made it impossible not to understand the value of education.  His father came here from Eastern Europe with nothing and my dad, with the help of several scholarships and three jobs at a time, graduated from Harvard and Harvard Law School.  He told me once we probably wouldn't inherit much – that "your education is your inheritance."  And so it was.

For much of the past couple of decades though, that belief has been blunted – by the tech revolution (even though much of it was produced by immigrants who also built a life here) and the greedy 80's, by the growing gap between the wealthy and even the middle class, and by what has felt to many like disproportionate power in the hands of business.  It has just looked harder to get from those humble beginnings.  Our values were so much more about money: the sports stars and rock stars and the Donald Trumps of the world than education and service and personal responsibility. 

Of course, the barriers are still devastating for many.  How does a child entering preschool with a 500 word vocabulary keep up with one entering with 15,000 words?  Research tells us that's often the difference between kids from well-to-do versus economically challenging households at preschool age.  There is a wealth of work to do to make it possible for us all to truly start out on a level playing field.

Even so, it's exciting to think about what happened today because the central players have "walked the walk" within their own communities and beyond, managing challenges in race, gender, ethnicity and class.  No matter how the nomination turns out, it's a reminder of what we want to – and often do believe about our country: that those dreams are still possible, that the stories with which many of us grew up are still true.  It's up to all of us to make sure that we continue to return to these beliefs, and where they are not yet true, work to make them so.

Maureen Dowd, Michael Wolff, The New York Times and Notoriety

Mwolff_pic I have been a fan and follower of Michael Wolff for years.  Read his stuff in the bubble and afterwards.  Even read Burn Rate, his lively, funny and very interesting history of the rise and fall of his Web company.  So I get his email every day, with links to his Newser columns. They're usually fine, when I have time to read them.  Today though, he's outdone himself so I wanted to be sure you knew.  The piece is called "Maureen Dowd is All in Your Head"

Given what Wolff writes about The Dread Plagiarism Incident, I'm not offering any of my own perspectives here.  I just wanted to take note of this very interesting discussion of journalist celebrity, aspirational followers and the New York Times in general.  Here's a sample:

Here’s my question: Why are boring people so interested in her? Ever since she began her column in the mid-nineties it has been de rigueur among people who, relatively speaking, have no opinions about anything
to have very firm opinions about Dowd. Among a great swatch of uninteresting people she is the officially sanctioned, government-approved lightening rod.

The role Dowd has played is striking.  Even in the context of being declared tiresome,  she evokes a pretty acid response from a pretty touch cookie.  Interesting, no?