SAD NEWS; SENATOR TED KENNEDY

Teddy_3Catherine Morgan, star of stage, screen, (well not really, but she should be) and (yes this is true) blogs including Political Voices of Women, has sought posts on the news that Senator Edward Kennedy, seen here with Senator Barack Obama, whom he endorsed, is suffering from a malignant brain tumor.  It really is a sad thing.  People make jokes about the Senator, some of them really cruel, as I discovered while searching for images for this post.  And he’s made mistakes, including those surrounding the tragic events at Chappaquiddick.

But as a great speaker and legislator, he’s used his talents to be a champion of the “downtrodden” and many of the rest of us, for over 40 years.  Coal miners, civil rights advocates, children who need better schools, American who need access to health care, soldiers in Iraq and veterans of every war and dozens of other causes; he’s been a mainstay of support for them all, often when not too many people were willing to be.

Since he lost his two brothers, President John Kennedy and Senator Robert Kennedy, to assassins, he’s also been the protector of their children:  JFK’s two, John and Caroline, and Bobby’s eleven. He’s buried John’s son and two of Bobby’s.  His own son Edward contracted bone cancer and had a leg amputated at the age of 12.  Kennedy himself nearly died in a plane crash in 1964.  And there’s plenty more; take a look at this Wikipedia entry on the “Kennedy curse” which left him with burdens of care for so many.  Weddings, illnesses, even funerals, it was he who was there for them all.

When I first came to Washington, I was a very young researcher in the CBS News Washington Bureau.  Because I was so young, I was assigned to call the Kennedy “boiler room girls” – campaign workers who knew the young woman who had died in that car in Chappaquiddick, Mary Jo Kopechne, to see if they would talk to us.  I called.  All of them.  Every day for a year.

Every day for a year they took my call.  Every day for a year they were polite, gentle and silent on the subject of the crash.  And so they have remained.  Since I know many other people who have worked for Teddy and shown a devotion and loyalty seldom seen in public life, I am not surprised; that’s how people are in the Kennedy universe.  It says a lot about the Senator and his family and the sort of commitment they inspire.

When I think of the Senator though, it’s not any of that I think about.  Or of the fact that he can be hilarious, self-effacing and very kind to those around him.  My strongest, and most unambiguous memory, is of his eulogy at the funeral of his brother Bobby* in the summer of 1968.  You’ll see why.

*This is audio accompanied by cover footage; I couldn’t locate any video of the speech although I remember it vividly and can see it in my head.  Can’t get that up on the Web though, at least not yet.

FIFTY-SOMETHING MOMS AND I’M ONE OF THEM!

Fifty_something_buttonThis is really exciting.  Silicon Valley Moms has launched a Fifty-Something Moms blog and I’m honored to be one of them.  Although it’s been around for a while, the site’s OFFICIAL launch is today.  I’ve only posted twice so far, once on being a "fake grandparent" and once on  childbirth for us in the First World versus for women in developing nations but hope to post at least once every two weeks.  There are plenty of lovely posts already so have a look.  I’ll be mentioning posts from this sister blog as we move forward.  It really is an exciting project – as are the other blogs that share the franchise –  Silicon Valley Moms Blog, Chicago Moms Blog, DC Metro Moms Blog, New York City Moms Blog and New Jersey Moms Blog, with a Deep South Moms Blog launching soon.  So get over there.  Now!

IF IT’S MONDAY IT MUST BE BLOGGING BOOMERS CARNIVAL

GenplusIt’s yet another Monday morning and the Blogging Boomers have again assembled their favorite posts of the week.  This time the host is my good friend and much respected sister blogger Wendy Spiegel at GenPlus.  Come read about everything from how to be an "elder generation" (I continue to protest this word but I think it’s me, not the word…..) to layoffs in our 50s to good style and good marriage.  As usual, Wendy proves to be a lovely host.

BLOGHER COMES OF AGE WITH ITS OWN INTERVIEW WITH BARACK OBAMA

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As you know, I am a very loyal supporter of BlogHer and a great admirer of its three founders, who have built a community of respect and honesty, humor and warmth that is a treasure to many of my sister bloggers and to me.  At last year’s BlogHer conference much was made of the absence of presidential candidates, even though they’d all been invited AND even though we were in Chicago, where Yearly Kos (now called Netroots Nation) was happening in literally one or two days, and all the Democrats came there.  It was if the "little ladies" were just not worth the trouble.

So it’s very exciting to see Barack Obama sit down with BlogHer’s Erin Kotecki Vest and answer questions submitted by the BlogHer community.  No headlines, but a broad survey of topics with sound, thoughtful and well-expressed responses.  This is a landmark moment and I’m so proud to be a BlogHer and a small part of its universe.  Watch it for yourself.

TO THE LIGHTHOUSE – LOVING THE JERSEY SHORE — AND A BIRTHDAY

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We went to Long Beach Island, off the Jersey shore, a few weeks ago.  I’ve been there  often but never before May — it was still winterish there, hardly anything open and just lovely.  We came with friends for my husband’s birthday — four adults and four little kids.  It’s so much fun to be there with little people searching the beach for shells in their parkas and climbing all over the furniture.  We took them to Barnegat Light  — a 150 year old lighthouse I’ve loved since I was a kid. 

It was a 20 minute walk in very cold weather, everyone excited about seeing a real live lighthouse.  Somehow anything, no matter how many times you’ve seen it, looks brand new when you see it with small children.  When it’s new to them, it becomes new to you too.

It was, according to my husband, a perfect birthday.  Much of the credit for that goes to the friends who came with us, who wrote and performed a song for him as a gift because "you have too much stuff already" and, in so many ways have taken us into their lives with love.  I just posted a meditation on being a ‘fake grandmother" on the SV Moms "over 50" blog, where I’m a new contributor.  It’s such a peculiar privilege – hanging out with preschoolers in that easy way that can only happen with frequent contact.

Continue reading TO THE LIGHTHOUSE – LOVING THE JERSEY SHORE — AND A BIRTHDAY

PHONE BOOTHS, MARRIAGE, DRESSING YOUR AGE AND TAXES: BLOGGING BOOMERS CARNIVAL #69

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From across the sea in the UK Ann Harrison has complied this week’s Blogging Boomers Carnival at Contemporary Retirement Strategies. It’s got everything from new tax laws to new fashion advice with plenty of other savvy ideas (including thoughts on marriage!) in between so stop by and see what’s going on!

I LOOK LIKE A BUSH (THE LEAFY KIND, NOT THE ALMOST-NO-LONGER-PRESIDENT-KIND)

Bushy_tree
See this bush?  That’s pretty much how my hair is starting to look only more unruly.  Why?  In observant Judaism the tradition is that you don’t get your hair cut during the 49 days between Passover and Shavuot (that’s the celebration of receiving the Ten Commandments.)  It has to do with mourning for the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva, who died because they did not honor one another — there’s more to it but it’s way too complicated — basically it’s a mourning period – also a portion of the time that you work your way from the political freedom of gained at Passover when the Jews left Egypt to the gift of discipline and self-control that comes with the giving of the commandments.- There are lots of things you aren’t supposed to do except for one day in the middle — Lag b’Omer – the day the dying of the students ceased.

This is a long way of saying that my hair is too long.  Way too long.  And it’s not even my fault!  I had made an appointment for a hair cut right before this period was to begin.  Then, of course, a huge crisis arose (don’t ask) which meant I couldn’t go.  So now I’m stuck. With all this hair.   I feel like Medusa.   

TOO MANY WOMEN DOCTORS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON’T YOU WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY?

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OK now I’m mad!  I have a pretty high tolerance for media assumptions and misrepresentations unfair to those of us who are female.  I do.  Really.  But I think I’ve hit the wall.  Listen to this, from Business Week this week (here’s a hint – the article is called "Are There Too Many
Women Doctors?" ) The premise – there’s a doctor shortage in the US and: 
This looming shortage is forcing into the open a controversy that has
been cautiously debated in hospitals and medical practices for some time: Are
women doctors part of the problem? It’s
not the abilities of female doctors that are in question. It’s that study after
study has found women doctors tend to work 20% to 25% fewer hours than their
male counterparts.

What to discuss first?  That those who work that additional 20-25% probably work too hard?  That resentments build
up in their spouses and children that never go away.  That the "problem" is in reality a grand improvement achieved through the work and suffering of a generation of women who fought their way through medical school, internships and fellowships and now use their knowledge both to take care of people and to still live a life of their own. Shocking!

Continue reading TOO MANY WOMEN DOCTORS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON’T YOU WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY?

A BIT OF BABY SHOWER WISDOM FOR MOTHERS OF TWO

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Well here they are.  My two boys some years ago, on a boat someplace in Germany.  This photo is probably 20 years old; it’s from one of many wonderful trips covering territory all the way from Israel to Hawaii.  Each was an adventure, enriched by the presence of these two little (and later bigger) boys, as were all our days. Most visitors to the baby shower know that I’m the sentimental one – not able ever to be as arch and irreverent as many of my sister bloggers.  SO CONSUMER ALERT — this is mostly a riff on the treat it is to watch your two kids grow, change, interact, fight, become real friends, care for one another and grow up to travel together and meet up to go to concerts.

When I was pregnant with my second son, I was afraid that I could never love another child.  The delight we felt with our first son was so complete that I wasn’t sure whether there was room in my heart for another.  That summer, as we awaited his brother’s arrival, I insisted that our son, my husband and I – go to the beach to have a last vacation with "just the three of us."  It was going to be tough to get used to dividing my time so I wanted one more golden moment with just one.

It was the year The Muppet Movie came out, and I remember sitting on the little deck outside the beach cabin we’d rented, my son in my lap, playing The Rainbow Song on the boom box we’d brought with us, just about overcome with emotion.  Listen to it – if it doesn’t get to you I don’t know what will.

"Some day we’ll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreams and me."  So sentimental but absolutely perfect for my pregnant, hormonal self. 

And then he arrived – this little, amazing, intense infant, and as soon as I saw him I knew all the worry was for nothing.  Of course you can’t love an abstraction as much as a little blond sweetie who loves Kermit and Ernie and Bert — and you.  Once that abstraction arrives though, he’s as real and exciting and mysterious and loving as his big brother.  As each of their personalities emerged so did their differences, but each revealed a piece of them.   Each individual talent and temperment and allergy and grace reminded us of the unique treasure that each of them was to us.  So here are 10.5 thoughts on the question at hand – moving from one child to two:

Continue reading A BIT OF BABY SHOWER WISDOM FOR MOTHERS OF TWO

THERE WAS A TORAH IN AUSCHWITZ

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On Sunday, more than a hundred people stood in the aisles of their gathering place, most of them weeping.  It wasn’t a funeral, at least in the usual sense of the word, but it was an event so profoundly moving that few were left untouched.  We all stood, in our synagogue, on the final day of Passover, in the presence of a Torah that had been hidden in Auschwitz and has only now been recovered and restored.  [First though, it’s important that you know that the Torah is the central road map of Judaism – all traditions and laws, ideals and values, emerge from these five books: Genesis (B’reshit), Exodus (Sh’mot), Leviticus ( Vayyikra), Numbers (Bemidbar) and Deuteronomy (D’varim.)] It’s an amazing story and best told by our rabbi, who is responsible for bringing this moment to us. The story, in his words, appears at the bottom of this post.

Even the most spiritual person – one who easily connects to G-d, needs help sometimes.  Praying, feeling any connection at all, takes work and concentration.  But this day — this day — we were in the presence of something so remarkable that the sense of holiness was everywhere.  I know this sounds way over the top – but stay with me.  Here’s what happened:

On Sabbath (Saturday), Monday, Thursday and holidays, we always read from the Torah during services.  On Regular Sabbaths and weekdays we make our way through the five books; on holidays we re-read selected excerpts that relate to that particular festival.  On this day, closing Passover, we read the prescribed passages, and then, a dear, gentle member of our congregation who is himself a Holocaust survivor took this special Torah, which contained four panels that had been hidden in Auschwitz and began to walk slowly up one aisle and down the other so that everyone who wished to could reach it.  As he walked, another congregant – with an exquisite and soulful voice, sang  Ani Mamin, the prayer that, witnesses told his family, his own great-grandfather (as had so many other Shoah victims) sang as he marched to his death at the hands of the Nazis.  Orthodox services include no musical instruments, just voices, so only this sole, mournful chant swept our friend along as he made his way through the synagogue. 

There was no other sound in the room.  Silently, each of us moved to the aisle to touch this sacred representation of so much pain and so much faith.  Silently, we watched as it passed and made its way to the stand where it would rest as it was unrolled, and read.  As its cover was being removed, our rabbi urged us all to "move closer" – leave our seats and, from each side of the mechitza (room divider), gather near.  He was right.  Imagine looking at, seeing before you, a Torah panel that had been smuggled into Auschwitz and hidden there as long as it was a death camp.  It’s such a feeling of reverence, sadness, mourning and privilege that you need to imagine it for yourself; it’s not possible to describe.  I will tell you ,though, that almost everyone was either teary-eyed or weeping openly.  And so it went as the Torah was read, wrapped, silently marched through the congregation one more time and placed in the Ark until it could be returned to those who gave us the privilege of being in its presence.

This all sounds VERY melodramatic, I know. I myself had often argued that our identity as Jews can’t be built upon the suffering of those murdered six million – that we must feel our faith as a positive force, not only as a continuation that honors their suffering.  But not this day.  This day we all shared a connection with those who died, many who must have been our ancestors, whose grandchildren would have been at our weddings and bar mitzvahs, who really did belong to us – and who read from the thousands of Torahs that, unlike this one, did not survive the pillage and flames.  Every time the Torah is returned to the Ark, the congregation sings a song about it that ends:

It
is a tree of life to those who hold it fast and all who cling to it find
happiness.  Its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are
peace.

This day – we all heard these words in such a different way, understanding what these few pages must have meant to those who had hidden them for so long.

I can’t tell, if you weren’t there – if it’s possible to understand the experience — at least at the hands of my limited skills as a writer.  But I wanted you to know about it — that it’s possible still to find such a moment of clarity and understanding.  That even someone like me, so reluctant to place meaning in things — even articles representing faith like prayer books or even Torahs, can be shaken to the bone in the presence of something that bears witness both to the pain of our ancestors and, so powerfully, to the power of the faith we share with them.

Here’s our Rabbi’s story of the history of this Torah (I’ve included links to clarify a couple words):

The Torah is a Tree of Life The Last Day of Pesach, 5768 
Shmuel Herzfeld, Ohev Sholom, the National Synagogue, Washington DC
 
This past Sunday, as we prepared to recite Yizkor*, we first gave honor to a
special Torah that was visiting with our congregation.
 
Here is the story of the Torah and how we came to have it with us on this
one occasion.
 
Two days before Pesach I stopped in the Silver Spring Jewish Book Store to
buy some gifts for Pesach, when I saw this Torah which said on the mantle,
“Rescued from Auschwitz.” 
 
The owner of the store is a sofer and a rabbi and a very good friend by the
name of Menachem Youlis.  Rabbi Youlis told me that the Torah was being given to
the Central Synagogue in New York City on Wednesday April 30.  The Torah was
being donated to them by Alice and David Rubenstein and had been lovingly
restored by Rabbi Youlis through his Save a Torah Foundation.
 
I was overwhelmed by being in the presence of this Torah.  I couldn’t stop
thinking about it.  Here was living proof that our Torah is eternal.  The Nazis
tried to destroy us physically but they could not destroy the Torah.
 
The next week I mentioned the beauty of this Torah to my friends, Secretary
William Cohen and his wife Janet Langhart Cohen
and they graciously offered to
ask David Rubenstein to lend us the Torah so that we could read it in our shul
before it went to New York.  David Rubenstein generously agreed.
 
And so we had the honor of reading from the Torah in our synagogue on the
last day of Pesach.
 
Before Yizkor I told the congregation the story of this Torah.
 
The Torah was recently found in the city of Oswiecim which is where the
death camp of Auschwitz was located.
 
I had learned about this city and its Jewish life from my rebbe, Rabbi Avi
Weiss.  He knew this town well because his father lived there till he was 16. 
It is likely that Rabbi Weiss’ father had actually heard this Torah being
read.
 
There was a tradition amongst the survivors of Oswiecim that two days
before the Nazis came to burn down the synagogue of Oswiecim the Torahs of the
synagogue were taken and buried in separate metal boxes in the Jewish cemetery. 
The Nazis took a perverse pleasure in destroying Sifrei Torah in terrible ways
that purposefully desecrated the Torah.
 
Many had tried to find these Torahs and indeed, the spot where the
synagogue stood was excavated but no Sifrei Torah were ever found.
 
So Rabbi Menachem Youlis thought that perhaps the tradition told over the
years was correct.  Maybe there really was a Torah buried in the cemetery. 
 
He traveled to Oswiecim to check the cemetery but he did not find even one
Torah.
 
When he returned home he was despondent.  But then his son told him, “Maybe
the cemetery was bigger back then…”  Lo and behold the original cemetery was
built over and today it is just twenty-five percent of the size that it once
was.
 
So Rabbi Youlis took his metal detector and started searching the original
cemetery by looking under the homes where the cemetery originally was.
 
Lo and behold, he found a metal box.  He opened up the metal box and found
a Torah scroll. 
 
There was only one problem…the Torah scroll was missing four panels. 
Without these four panels, the Torah scroll could not be kosher….  Where could
these panels be?
 
He took out an ad in the local paper and asked if anyone had panels of a
Torah from before the war.
 
The next day he received a call from a Priest who said he had four panels. 
 
The panels were an exact match in pagination, style and content.  Obviously
they were originally from the Torah he had found buried in the cemetery.
 
Rabbi Youlis learned that the Priest was born a Jew—named Zeev—and was sent
to Auschwitz.  Before the Torah had been buried in the Oswiecim cemetery these
four panels had been removed and smuggled through Auscwitz by four different
people.
 
As each person who had a panel was about to die they passed along the
panels.  Eventually the four panels made it into the hands of Zeev who guarded
them as a Priest for over 60 years.
 
Rabbi Youlis lovingly restored the Torah and made it kosher once again.  He
added these four panels to the entire Torah.  The four panels were all selected
for a good reason:
 
The first panel contained the Ten Commandments from the book of Exodus. 
The Ten Commandments contain with it the word Zachor—the obligation to always
remember.
 
The second panel spoke about the curses that will befall the Jewish people
on the day the God hides His face from us.  These curses came true during the
dark days of the Holocaust.  But we know that since these curses came true, the
blessings that Hashem promises us will also come true.
 
The third panel contained the section from Parshat Pinchas that spoke about
korbanot—sacrifices, burnt offerings—that were offered to God. 
 
The last panel contained the Shema from Deuteronomy.  In that same panel
was also found the Ten Commandments from Deuteronomy.
 
The Ten Commandments from Exodus say, Zakhor et hashabbat, remember
the Shabbat. 
 
Explain the rabbis, Zakhor ve-shamor bedibbur echad neemru, at the
same time that remember was said, so was the word
shamor, to guard.
 
At the same time that we have an obligation to remember the past we also
have an obligation to guard the memory of the
korbanot of the shoah—the
victims of the Holocaust.
 
When Rabbi Youlis looked at this Torah he noticed that the word
shamor (in Deuteronomy) was missing the letter, vav.  The Torah
had been originally written without this letter included in it.  The
vav,
has a numerical value of 6, but it also represents the six million.  Rabbi
Youlis added the
vav to the Torah and thereby made it kosher.  By adding
the
vav to this Torah he also symbolically made an eternal memorial to
the memory of all those who perished from the town of Oswiecim and in
Auschwitz.
 
Now that the Torah is kosher it will be guarded and watched by the Central
Synagogue, where it will be read from every Yom Kippur.  And every other year it
will be taken by 10,000 students as they march through Auschwitz on March of the
Living.  And every time it is used the six million will be guarded (shamor) and
remembered (zachor). 
 
*That’s a memorial prayer for loved ones recited on several holidays each year.