This is the hand of my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. The ring on her finger is 65 years old. At least. I know this because it was my mother’s wedding ring, which she wore until she died, and which I have worn ever since. And now, another generation of our family will wear it as a wedding ring. It’s a joy for me and symbolic of so much: continuity, Amy’s acceptance of us as part of her life, her respect for Josh’s origins, and, as she readily acknowledges, a love of tradition and history.
When your child decides to get married; it’s a big deal. New configurations must be established as two families converge: new sensibilities, new rituals and traditions. More important than all of that though is the wish, the hope, the prayer, that these two people, one of whom you have loved with your whole heart since he entered the world and one you have learned to love — that they will find happiness, the strength to weather inevitable storms, a continuation of the laughter and friendship they so clearly share, of the closeness each feels with siblings and parents, and as much joy as can be apportioned to them.
Seeing this ring, part of my own family since before I was, moving forward in this way, means all those things, stands for everything eternal that we seek and sometimes find. It’s a gift beyond measure to me and to the family we’ve been and the one we, and they, are still becoming.
Hate to burst your bubble BUT make sure the soon-to-be signs a pre nup as far as that ring is concerned. Odds are very good that the couple will divorce and you can kiss that grandmother’s ring good bye.
You won’t be singing the praises of joy and love and whatever when that family heirloom gets sold in a pawn shop.
Don’t believe me? Sure you do. Other wise, I’ve got a nice Brooklyn Bridge I’d like to sell you.
I think it’s a beautiful gesture. And you can’t always be thinking about money first.
My fiancee wants to have his dad’s wedding ring as our wedding ring. His mom died 5 yrs ago, and I think it is a good idea, the only thing is that he does not want to erase his moms name that is engraved in the inside part of the ring. He just wants to add my name there. I really do not think it is appropriate to have her name there. He is having a really hard time letting her mother go, but I dont think it is appropriate. what do you think?
Honestly, I think it would be kind of nice to keep the continuity – the connection. It’s probably hard if you never knew her but from my end of the generations it’s a nice idea BUT only if you are comfortable with it. Otherwise it isn’t your wedding ring. It’s a tough call and it must be hard to say no. If you know any other people my age ( moms of marriageable aged sons) I’d ask a few and get a feel for the issue. Let me know what you decide.
Thanks for the comment.
Actually, we fought a bit over the weekend. I told him I did not like the idea, and he told me that He did not want to reject the gift from his dad.
I told him to use it, but that on the ceremony, I will be thinking that on that ring there is a third person’s name and that was going to make me feel uncomfortable.
I honestly dont know what to think. I did not know her, and maybve I am being selfish. Have you ever heard about a wedding ring that has someone elses name on it??? Is this acceptable? I do not care that he uses a family ring – my engagement ring was his mother’s – but shouldn’t he erase the name?
thanks for the reply…
CC
Honestly Claudia, I think it adds history. Is there more to this story – do you feel that his family is too much in your lives? It sounds like under this issue is MORE of an issue, maybe. As long as your name is on there too you are part of a generational chain. That’s nice UNLESS IT ISN’T because of how you feel….
That’s why I was thinking you might want to talk to people in your own world who are parent of the bride/groom’s age. Since they know you better.
Oh! cool,it is a totally a heirloom of your family your daughter in law is so lucky to having a kind of that so precious ring.
by: rhianne